Aftermath
by sjslashfan
Summary: FEMSLASH Janet finds it hard to cope after almost switching off Sam's life support in the episode Entity.
1. Chapter 1 of 10 I WAS SHOUTING

_[Starts at the end of the fourth season episode 'Entity'.]_

"I was shouting. For you to hear," Sam's voice was weak, but it was there. She was back. Janet almost cried with relief.

"We heard," she heard O'Neill say. "We heard ya Carter."

Sam nodded, and her eyes closed again.

Janet shook herself; she needed to take charge here. "Okay, we need to get her back to the infirmary, stat," and she lowered the head of the bed, and raised the sides in preparation before wheeling her lover back to the safety of the infirmary.

Sam slept solidly for nigh on 48 hours, though Janet woke her every few hours to carry out a battery of tests and to check that her recovery was continuing apace. Janet never left her side, though she was having a harder time of it than anyone guessed. Once again, she had nearly lost Sam to the Stargate, only this time, if Sam had died, it would have been entirely her fault. She had been moments from disconnecting the life support when Daniel had come running in, shouting that Sam's consciousness had been transferred to the computer system.

Part of Janet was really pissed at Sam for trying to interact with the entity. What the hell did she think she was doing? Sometimes Sam was just too damned smart for her own good. The colonel had warned against trying to communicate, but that wasn't good enough for Sam, she just had to persuade the general that she should try and talk to it. And of course General Hammond had agreed, it seemed that he would agree to any request that Sam made.

But the larger part of Janet was more angry at herself. Why had she, for a moment, believed that it was appropriate to apply the norms of conventional medicine to a situation that was so far out of the ordinary? Why had it not occurred to her that the entity could have transferred Sam to the mainframe? After all, an archaeologist of all things had worked that one out. She could have killed Sam. She didn't think she'd ever forgive herself.

After five days in the infirmary, Janet had to admit that Sam was ready to go home, though she was nervous about being alone with her. She knew Sam must blame her for her near-demise. And she still felt some residual resentment toward Sam for taking what she thought was an unnecessary risk.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Of course, Sam didn't for one moment blame Janet for suggesting that the life support be removed. On the contrary, she loved her for it. Janet knew about her living will, and how she would hate to be kept alive through artificial means. Sam knew that if Janet had switched her off, it would have been an act of love, and sacrifice. But Janet had no idea that Sam felt that way, and communication between the two women had been stilted since their return home.

After three days at home, it seemed that Sam and Janet were being overly courteous to each other, solicitous of each other's needs, and just too damned polite. The spontaneity, and laughter, that were so inherent to the relationship seemed gone. Sam knew that Janet was pissed at her for trying to communicate with the entity, and she had apologized for that. But her apology had been a little half-hearted. If she was honest with herself, both she and Daniel had felt that they should try and get through. As Sam had said herself to the general, there had been many times when they were offworld, and cornered, when simple kindness and an attempt to understand them had saved them from a terrible death. And just because the entity was something they didn't yet understand, she had felt justified in her attempts to talk to it. Yes, it had gone catastrophically wrong, but that was the risk they took. They took a similar risk every day. That was their job. Janet would just have to get over that, she told herself.

So they didn't talk it out properly, they just let their combined resentments and feelings of guilt grow. Even in bed things were not right. The first night home, Sam had still been too tired to make a move on Janet, but on the second night, when she turned to her lover and tried to unbutton her pajama top, Janet had swatted her hand away, mumbling some excuse about Sam needing to conserve her energies. When this happened for the third night running, Sam knew she just wanted to avoid her. "If you don't want to honey, you just have to say so, you don't have to have an excuse," she told Janet, as gently as possible.

"I don't want to," Janet's voice was small and ashamed. "I don't know why. But I don't want to right now."

"That's okay sweetie, you don't have to," Sam tried to be understanding. "You just let me know when you're ready."

Janet nodded, and turned over on her side to sleep, putting a distance between her and Sam. Sam was upset; usually they slept spooned, or at least they had before the entity. Now the distance between them was growing ever bigger, and she didn't know what she could do about it. She'd try and talk to Janet the following day, she decided. This couldn't go on.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

The next morning, however, Sam woke to an empty space next to her. As she stumbled downstairs to get some coffee, she spotted a note on the kitchen table.

_"Forgot I was working an early shift. See you later. J. xx" _

Now Sam knew that Janet really was doing everything she could to avoid her. She had a near-photographic memory, and she had memorized Janet's shifts at the SGC for the next three months. She knew she wasn't due back until tomorrow, when she was due back herself. She tried calling Janet at the infirmary, but was told that she was 'with a patient'. She left a message asking her to call back, but heard nothing until 1630hrs when Janet finally called back.

"Sam?" Janet's voice was tentative. "Sorry about this morning, it's been real busy here today. And Sam? I won't be back tonight. SG-12 is coming in hot, lot of injuries to deal with. I reckon it'll be easier if I just stay on base tonight. I'll see you at the mountain tomorrow."

Sam wanted to weep when the phone rang off. How had this happened to them? But she had to hold it together. Cassie was due back from school any moment, and she had to try and pretend that everything was okay for her sake. And it would be okay, she would make sure of that. They just had a few 'issues' to sort out. Janet was too important to her for her to let this go.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

The following day, Sam dropped Cassie off at school, and was at the mountain at 0830hrs. She changed into BDUs, and fully intended to head straight to the infirmary to see Janet. However, just as she was getting into the elevator, O'Neill rounded the corner. "Hey Carter!" he called.

She smiled brightly, in an attempt to hide her inner turmoil. "Hey Sir," she replied.

"Hammond just called me," O'Neill told her, "we've got an early briefing. You free now?"

"Yes Sir, no problem," Sam would just have to see Janet later.

"Some technical problem with a doohickey at the Alpha site, apparently. Seems they need an egghead to tweak their gizmos."

Sam smiled again. She knew that the colonel saw her as much more than 'an egghead'. She also knew that he had likely understood all about the problem with the 'doohickey', he just liked to make out he was dimmer than he really was.

"Well, anything I can do to help Sir," Sam was always willing to help out. So she and O'Neill made their way to the briefing room. It transpired that the 'doohickey' concerned was a long-range reconnaissance drone that kept losing signal. It sounded a simple job to Sam, and it shouldn't take more than a few hours. She had been feeling a little stir-crazy since her 'accident', and relished the idea of getting offworld for a few hours. And she liked the new Alpha site, it was clean and airy, and the team that was there on rotation right now were a good crew. She would have a pleasant day catching up with them. And it would take her mind off her problems with Janet. "I can be ready in a half hour, Sir," Sam told General Hammond.

That gave her just enough time to get geared up, to collect the equipment she needed, and to fit in a quick visit to the infirmary. She knocked on Janet's office door. Janet's tired face looked up at her. "Hey sweetie," she said gently to Janet. The small doctor really did look exhausted. Sam had already heard that it had been true what Janet had said about SG-12, and she genuinely had been up half the night tending to them. "You look exhausted."

"Bit tired," Janet admitted. "Think I might get an airman to drop me home soon."

"That's a good idea, hon," Sam said. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I'm fine," Janet reassured her, and looking up at Sam's concerned face, felt even more guilty than before. "I just need to catch up on some sleep. I'll see you later?"

"You will," Sam told her. "I'm off to the Alpha site, nothin' serious, just a few adjustments on their reconnaissance drones. I'll be home on time, should only take a couple of hours. And you don't need to worry about Cassie tonight, she's staying at Beth's after their swimming this afternoon."

"I'll miss you," Janet's voice was small. "Sam? I'm real sorry about the last few days. I'm just having a few... issues right now. I've been a bitch."

"Oh Jan," Sam's heart melted. "You haven't. It's just been hard on you. We'll work it out. We will." And she put her arms out tentatively, hoping that Janet would come to her.

After a moment's hesitation, Janet stepped into the embrace. "I'm sorry sweetie," she said.

"We'll talk about it later," Sam told her. "We'll be okay."

She didn't hear Janet's last words, "I hope so."

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Sam had a successful day at the Alpha site. Just as she was about to leave, however, an X-302 returned to base, after a training mission.

"Something's wrong with the inertial dampeners," she heard, as the shaken pilot emerged. "Had a hell of a time just keepin' her in the air."

They had had a similar problem before, and Sam knew just how to fix it. It would take two hours tops. She smiled, "I'll take a look, just give me a moment."

She went over to speak to a lieutenant. "Can you dial Earth and tell them I'll be delayed by a couple of hours?" The lieutenant nodded. "Oh, and can you ask them to make sure somebody calls Dr Fraiser, tell her I'll be back nearer 2100hrs?"

The lieutenant did as he was asked, but somehow in all the mayhem of the 'gate room on Earth - another SG team had just come in hot - nobody remembered to call Janet.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

By 1930hrs, Janet was pacing the living room. She had expected Sam home a half hour ago, and there was still no sign. She was tempted to call the base, but she realized how pathetic it would look. "I'm just calling 'cos my girlfriend's late for dinner." So she decided to take a warm bath to try and take her mind off Sam. She then prepared a light dinner for them both. Still no sign. By now it was 2045hrs, and she was really beginning to worry. Sam seemed to be a trouble magnet these days, God alone knew what might have happened to her.

She was just picking up the telephone to call the mountain, no longer caring how silly she looked, when she heard the key turn in the lock.

She sprinted down the hallway, and faced Sam as she stepped through the door. "Where the hell have you been?" her voice was icy.

"I was delayed at the Alpha site, sweetie. I sent a message. I asked them to call you. Didn't you get the message?"

"No I damned well didn't!" Janet was angry. "I thought something had happened to you."

"Janet, I'm so sorry. I did ask them to call you, really I did," Sam was distraught, she knew how tense Janet was at the moment. To her horror, tears formed in Janet's eyes.

"I was worried," Janet whispered. "I don't think I can take much more of this." And she flung herself at her lover, holding her tight. Sam held her as she wept.

After a short while, Janet's sobs subsided. Sam was then surprised to feel Janet's hands move from around her waist to start fumbling with her shirt. "I want you," Janet's voice was husky. "Now."

"Okay, baby," Sam's tone was soothing. "We'll go right to the bedroom."

"No. Not the bedroom. Right here. Right now," Janet's breathing quickened as she pulled desperately at Sam's clothes.

Sam was worried; Janet's movements were rough, almost animalistic. They had always had a very active love life, but never had Janet been anything but tender and loving. This was almost like she was staking her claim, marking her territory. But she didn't want to do anything to upset her traumatized lover, so she allowed Janet to take her right there in the hallway. A few minutes later, Janet collapsed in Sam's arms, and started to weep once more. She realized that she had almost forced herself on Sam, and this realization just made her weep harder.

"M'sorry, Sam," Janet's voice cracked. "So sorry."

Sam pulled back from Janet slightly, so that she could see her face, and smoothed the hair back from her lover's face. "You've got nothing to be sorry for honey. It's okay. It's really okay."

And at this, she lifted Janet into her arms, and carried her to the bedroom. There, she helped Janet to undress fully, and quickly stripped off her own clothes. She half-carried Janet into the shower, where she soaped her down, all the while dropping tender kisses on her, and murmuring gently. After an age, she turned off the shower, and wrapped a warm towel round her lover, carrying her back to the bed. She quickly toweled herself off, and then grabbed a nightshirt from the closet.

Janet was sitting obediently on the side of the bed when Sam returned to her. Tenderly, Sam towelled her hair, and helped her into her pajamas. "Sleep now, honey," she told her, and pushed her gently back onto the bed. She climbed in next to her, wrapping her long limbs round her and holding her tight.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Sam hated to see Janet so vulnerable, but part of her had been glad that she had lowered her defenses enough to let Sam in. She prayed that this was a new start for them both.

However, it turned out that Sam was overly optimistic. Yet again, she woke to an empty space beside her, but this wasn't morning, it was 0300hrs. She got up, and went in search of her lover. Looking in the spare room first, she found Janet, huddled up under the bedclothes, her eyes wide open.

"Sorry, couldn't sleep," Janet told her. "Didn't want to disturb you. Thought I'd come back here."

"You should have woken me, sweetie," Sam told her gently, reaching out to touch her arm.

Janet flinched at the contact. "I just wanted to be alone. To think. I'm sorry, Sam."

"Janet, what's happening to us?" Sam was starting to feel scared. "Come back to bed with me honey."

"Not tonight," Janet whispered. "I need time. Damn it, Sam, can't you see I need time?"

Sam started at Janet's harsh words. She kept her voice light and measured, "I'm here when you need me, Jan."

And she left the room, feeling devastated.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

The next morning, the two women went into the base together. They were on the same shifts, so it made sense to take Janet's car. The tension in the vehicle was palpable, and both of them were relieved to say a stilted goodbye to each other at the elevator.

Sam decided that the best thing was to give Janet some room. And Cassie was coming back that night, she didn't want her to sense any tension. So she emailed Janet with a weak excuse as to why she would spend the night at the base. Janet saw right through the excuse, but was so relieved that she didn't challenge it.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

The next day, Sam learned that she was going on a mission for four days. The mission wasn't expected to be dangerous, it was to a planet they had visited several times before. Sam was needed to co-ordinate the exchange of technology. Perhaps it was a good thing for her to be away from Janet for a while? She hoped that Janet might miss her, and would be pleased to have her home afterward. This time, she went to see her in person. An email wouldn't suffice for an absence of that length. Janet wished her well on the mission, but Sam could see the relief in her face. And when she was rostered to be seen by Warner for her pre-mission medical, Sam knew that this break could only be a good thing.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Four days later, Sam returned with the rest of SG-1, having had an uneventful time on the planet. She was disappointed not to be seen by Janet for her post-mission medical, but was surprised that she got one of the Academy Hospital interns. She knew that Janet and Warner were supposed to be working today.

She had a short debriefing with Colonel O'Neill and General Hammond, and was just leaving the briefing room when Hammond called her back. "Major Carter?" he asked. "May I have a quick word with you in my office?"

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

"She's WHAT?" Sam was astounded. "What d'you mean she's resigned? She can't just resign. What the hell's going on?" She was so upset that she forgot she was talking to a superior officer.

"I'm sorry, Major," Hammond didn't reprimand her for her language. "I tried everything I could to stop her. She told me she couldn't take it any longer. Watching you go off on missions, never knowing when or if you were going to return. She had a lot of vacation owing to her, so she's opted not to work a notice period."

Sam's knees buckled beneath her, and Hammond caught her just in time to help her into a chair.

"I'm sorry Sir, I just don't know what's going on with her at the moment," Sam's voice was not much louder than a whisper.

"She told me you were having problems," the general said. "I hope you can work them out. You two are good together. And you're great parents to Cassie."

"Shit, Cassie," Sam remembered. "I wonder if Janet's told her?"

"She has," General Hammond said. "And Cassie's staying with Catherine Langford tonight. Catherine's offered to take her to the observatory, and then to the movies. She thought perhaps you and Dr Fraiser could do with some time alone this evening."

"How does Catherine know about it?" Sam was confused.

"I called her, Major. I hope you don't mind."

"Thank you Sir," Sam said. "That's very thoughtful."

"Go home now, Major," General Hammond's tone was gentle. "And if there's anything I can do, you just let me know."

"Thank you Sir," Sam said again. "You've been very kind."

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Sam's heart was heavy as she let herself into their house. She was surprised not to see Janet's car in the driveway, but figured she must be out getting groceries or something.

She called her name a few times, not expecting an answer. She was also not expecting the note she saw propped up against the coffee machine in the kitchen.

_"Sam, _

_I'm taking off for a few days. I need some time to myself. Please don't try to contact me. I'll be back soon. _

_J.  
xx" _

Sam sat down heavily at the kitchen table, put her head in her arms, and wept.


	2. Chapter 2 of 10 TOO MUCH

Sam spent a mostly sleepless night, and when she got up the next morning, she felt worse than ever. Life without Janet seemed so bleak, so pointless. She could only pray that when Janet returned from her few days away, they would be able to talk, and get back to where they had been before. She had never had a relationship as good as this one, and she was determined that she would do anything to make it work.

She was sitting in her robe in the kitchen sipping strong coffee when she heard a car draw up in the driveway. Cassie! Catherine was dropping her back. Sam looked at the clock, and realized to her shame that it was nearly 1000hrs, and she hadn't even bothered to get dressed yet. She went to the door, and her daughter ran into her arms, hugging her tightly. Cassie knew something was up.

Catherine came to the door. "Are you okay, Sam?" she asked the air force major who meant so much to her.

Sam started to nod, then thought better of it. "Not really, Catherine," she said in a quiet voice. "But I'm hoping I will be. I'm hoping we all will be."

"Anything I can do, you just let me know," Catherine told her. "You've got my numbers."

Sam nodded her thanks, not trusting herself to speak. She closed the door.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Cassie was seated in the kitchen, holding Janet's note, tears streaming down her face. "It's because of me, isn't it? I'm so mean to her sometimes. I don't mean to be, and I won't ever say anything bad to her again. Oh Sam, I'm so sorry."

Sam was aghast. She knelt down in front of her daughter, and took her face between her hands. "Cass, listen to me. You haven't done anything wrong. Nothing. It's not you, I promise you that. Janet loves you, and there's nothing in the world you could ever do to change that. She's just unhappy right now. And if it's because of anyone, Cassie, it's because of me." Sam hated admitting that, even to herself, but she knew it was the truth.

"You?" Cassie wiped the tears away from her face. "Why would she ever be pissed at you Sam? She loves you, she says it all the time."

"Maybe it's because she loves me," Sam's voice was unsteady. "Cassie, I know this is hard to understand. I think Janet's finding it hard right now to cope with the job that I do. It's easy for me to forget sometimes, when I'm offworld, that it's Janet who's doing the really hard job. She has to wait behind, to fix us up when we come back banged up or sick. She's the one who waits at the SGC, never sure until she sees us that we _are _coming back. Every time we step through that 'gate, there's a risk - a very real risk - that we won't be coming back. And she knows that better than anyone. And there have been times when we've gone through the 'gate and not even expected to come back. Can you imagine what that does to her? I sometimes forget, when I get back, tired, bruised, beaten up, whatever, that what she's just been through is a whole lot worse. I think she's just exhausted by it all, Cass." Sam took a deep breath. She hadn't intended to come out with a great long speech like that, but as she spoke, she realized that it was all true. No wonder Janet had taken off.

"But why now, Sam?" Cassie's voice was insistent. "You've been doing the job for five years now, why now, all of a sudden, does she resign and just take off?"

"It's likely a cumulative thing, Cassie," Sam told her. "She's had to patch us up, time after time, and there have been so many times when she's thought she'd never see SG-1 again. See me again, I suppose. She went through hell when I was blended with Jolinar. I was so selfish, Cassie, I didn't stop to think about what it was doing to her. And this last time, when the entity got into me, she was really pissed with me. And she was right. I _didn't _have to try to communicate with it. I was being arrogant, thought I knew best as always." Sam and Janet had decided not to tell Cassie just how close Sam had been to dying, but Sam made a decision now. "I nearly died Cass. There was no brain function. Your Mom," Sam's voice hitched as she thought again of the horror Janet had had to endure, "your Mom was about to turn off life support. It was that close. At the last minute, Daniel realized that my consciousness had been transferred to the mainframe. Your Mom was smart enough to work out how to get me back in my body. But it could so easily have been different. And I think she's just decided that she can't take any more. It's too much for her. That's why she resigned, nothin' to do with you, honey, I promise you that."

Cassie nodded. "You're okay, now, though? She fixed you, right?"

Sam drew her into a tight hug. "Yes, I'm okay, thanks to Janet. We weren't going to tell you about it, I just wanted to you know that it's my fault, not yours, that your Mom resigned. And my fault that she's taken off for a few days. But she will be back, Cass, we have to believe that. She'd never abandon you, she loves you too much."

"She loves you too, Sam," Cassie replied.

"She did, Cass, maybe she's taken as much as she can. I don't know," Sam just managed to keep the tears out of her voice. "I'm just going to have to wait."

She stood up, and put her hand on Cassandra's back. "Okay, I'm gonna take a bath now. Why don't you take your stuff to your room, and then have a think about what you'd like to do today. It's Saturday, we should enjoy our weekend." Sam forced a smile onto her face. "When I'm out of the bathroom, I expect you to have planned our day!"

Cassie smiled back, determined to put on a brave face. "Okay Sam," she said.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Cassie didn't see Sam take her cellphone into the bathroom with her. Once the taps were running, Sam quickly dialed Janet's number. As she expected, the 'phone went straight to voicemail. "Janet," she said in a quiet voice. "I know you don't want me to contact you, and that's fine. But it's not me, it's Cassandra. She's taken it hard, and is wondering if it's something she's done. Janet, please call her and tell her it's nothing she's done. I've tried telling her it's all my fault, but it would really help if you could tell her too. I'm gonna take a bath now, so if you call now, she'll answer, you don't even have to speak to me. And Janet, I hope you're finding the answers you need. I'm so sorry, honey, that I've been such a selfish ass. I've put you through so much in the last few years, I'm amazed you've stuck around this long. I want you to know one thing: I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone. Be kind to yourself baby." Sam hung up before the tears came.

A couple of minutes later, just as she stepped into the steaming hot bath, she heard the 'phone ring. "Get that for me, would you Cass?" she called, hoping and praying it was Janet.

"Mom!" she heard Cassie squeal. She tried not to listen into Cassie's side of the conversation, she was just relieved that Janet had got her message. About ten minutes later, she heard Cassie put the 'phone down, and then there was a knock on the door, and Cassie let herself into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet to talk to Sam.

"You okay?" Sam asked her, seeing the tear-stained face.

"I'm okay, Sam," Cassie reassured her. "And Mom's okay too. She said to tell you she loves you too, she's just finding things difficult right now. She'll call early next week."

"Well we've got that to look forward to then, haven't we?" Sam tried to look cheerful. "Now, any thoughts on what we can do today?" As Cassie recounted a full itinerary, including a trip to the mall, lunch by the lake, followed by a movie and pizza, she almost regretted asking the question. But she could tell that Cassie was trying her hardest to act 'normal', and she appreciated it.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

The weekend passed agonizingly slowly for Sam, though she tried to pretend to Cassie that everything was fine. She was relieved to get back to work on Monday, though the SGC without Janet's brisk, efficient presence was a sad place too. There was nowhere she could get away from it.

They heard nothing from Janet on Monday at all, and it wasn't until Tuesday evening, when Sam had already started to worry, that she called. "Carter!" Sam barked into the 'phone.

"Hey Sam," Janet's voice sounded distant and tinny.

"Janet! Are you okay?" Sam asked.

"I'm fine, Sam. Please don't worry. I'm just enjoying the solitude, and having some time to think. I'll be away another few days, is that okay? Are you okay looking after Cassie?" Janet sounded a little too formal, a little too polite.

"Whatever you need, Jan," Sam told her. "Cassie and I'll manage, the Colonel has told me he can work around my schedule until you're back. We've got no misions planned for the next week," she could have sworn she heard Janet inhaling sharpy at the mention of the word 'missions'. "We miss you though," Sam had promised herself she wouldn't put any pressure on Janet, but she couldn't help it, it just slipped out.

"I'll be back Friday," Janet promised. "Can I talk to Cassie?"

Wordlessly, Sam passed the 'phone to her daughter, and left the room.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Janet had holed up in a cabin in the mountains, which Sam had suspected she would do. It was somewhere they used to go to together, and they both reveled in the peace and serenity, and the unaccustomed quiet. Sam had even considered driving up there, just to see, but she knew instinctively that this would be a violation of Janet's privacy. If Janet needed time to herself, this was the least that Sam could do for her.

Janet had hoped that a few days away from Sam would help her to put things into a proper perspective. Her mind went over and over her decision to resign, and she just couldn't reconcile herself to not being at the SGC to oversee the care of her lover when she returned, yet again, in need of medical attention. But when she thought about going back there, to the almost daily worry about where Sam was, what she was doing, who she was with, when - and if - she would come back from another deadly mission, she felt sick.

The last incident with the entity had just been too much for her. She loved Sam with all her heart, and Sam deserved somebody who would make better decisions about her medical care. She wondered if she had let her love for Sam interfere with her logical side, if she hadn't been so involved would she have seen what Daniel did so apparently easily?

No, she couldn't go back to the SGC. And, she realized with a heavy heart, she couldn't go back to Sam either. Sam would never give up her job. Sometimes, when she was feeling bitter, Janet wondered if this was because Sam loved the job more than her. On other days, when she was more balanced, she knew that it was *because* Sam loved her, and Cassie, that she couldn't give up her job. She knew that there had already been several occasions when, if Sam had not been there, the entire world, and sometimes the entire galaxy, would have been lost.

She would get an apartment, near Sam, so that they could both still see Cassie regularly. Cassie could not be the loser in this. She had already had so much tragedy in her short life, and she loved her and Sam equally, saw them both as her parents. So that situation mustn't change. But a clean break from Sam, that would be the best thing for both of them. For all of them. Sam would move on, she would move on. Cassie would adjust.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

"I've found an apartment," Janet was standing on the porch of their house. Sam turned white. "It's the best thing for us all. It'll be ready Monday. I'll stay at a motel until then. It's just not working any more Sam. I have to do this Sam. Surely you see that?"

Sam could see the steely determination in Janet's eyes. She knew that pleading with her lover would be pointless. "No Janet, I don't see that. I don't agree. I think what we have is worth fighting for. But you don't want to fight any more, do you Janet?"

Janet's eyes filled with tears.

"I'll take the apartment," Sam went on. "That's only right. You're Cassie's Mom, and she lives here. She needs you. We can't expect her to be uprooted any more than she's going to be. And anyway," she tried, and failed to keep the bitterness out of her voice, "it's not like I'll be needing a 'family' home, is it? I'll stay on base this weekend. Give me five minutes to pack a bag. Cassie's home in an hour. You'll tell her where I am?"

Janet nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Three minutes later, a still white Sam came downstairs again, clutching a large holdall. "You'll send the rest of my things on to the apartment?"

Janet nodded again.

"I'll always love you, Janet, I just want you to know that," Sam's voice was husky as she walked out the door. "And I'll wait for you. For ever."


	3. Chapter 3 of 10 ALONE

That evening, Janet sat down with Cassie and told her that she and Sam were taking a break. "It's nothing to do with you, sweetie," she reassured her daughter. "And you'll still see us both. Sam's going to be living at the apartment for a while," she didn't want to admit to Cassandra that she planned for the move to be permanent, "but you can see her all the time. Whenever you want. She wants to see you all the time too."

"I used to see her all the time when she lived her," Cassie was understandably bitter. "I just don't understand why she can't still be here. She loves you, Mom," Cassie was not beneath pleading for her family.

"I know she does, Cass," Janet's reply was quiet but firm. "And I love her too. It's just... not working right now. We need some time apart."

"Sam doesn't want to be apart from you," Cassie's tone was mutinous; the teenager was furious.

"No," Janet admitted. "Maybe she doesn't. But she'll soon see it's the best thing. For us all. You'll see that too, in time."

Cassie shook her head. "I won't; I know I won't." And she flounced off to her room.

Janet sat down quietly at the kitchen table. She didn't scold Cassie for her attitude. She wondered if maybe she was right. But it was done now, and they all had to learn to live with it.

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

The next day, Janet collected a bunch of cardboard boxes from the market, and took them back to pack Sam's things.

As she opened the closet door, her plans to remain as detached as possible fell apart. Each of Sam's garments, it seemed, held a special memory for her. That blue shirt, with the paint splotches on it, was the one Sam wore when they painted the bathroom together. She remembered with a small sad smile that not much painting had gotten done on that first day. And that sweater with the horrible grinning reindeer with the flashing horns had been one she had bought Sam only last Christmas. She had given it to Sam, and bet her blonde lover that she wouldn't have the courage to wear it in public. Sam had not only proudly worn it in the park on Christmas afternoon, she had also insisted on wearing it the next day in the restaurant when they met up with the rest of SG-1 for their annual festive meal. Sam had refused to take it off all day, and it was only after much persuading that Janet managed to get her to take it off in bed that night.

She steeled herself, and started packing clothes into the boxes. But when she came across Sam's brown leather flying jacket, it was too much for her, and she collapsed on the floor, weeping at all that she had lost. All that she had thrown away, rather. This jacket, with its soft, worn leather, was what Sam had been wearing when she first set eyes on her in the parking lot of the SGC. And Sam had been wearing it on the first night that they had spent together up at the lake. Janet remembered back to that impossibly romantic weekend, when Sam had shown her what it was like truly to be loved, to be cherished. Janet had awoken early on that first morning after the night before, and had crept out on to the jetty, and sat watching the sun rise. Sam had woken shortly after her and, finding the bed empty, had shrugged on her jacket and gone out to join Janet by the water. Without even thinking, when she had touched the skin of her smaller lover and realized that she was cold, she had removed the jacket and wrapped it round Janet's shoulders, pulling her to herself. Janet would never forget the feeling of that jacket the first time she had worn it. It became something of a habit after that; whenever Janet was cold, it seemed Sam had the jacket to hand.

She pulled the soft leather to her and buried her face in it, inhaling the scent of her already much-missed lover. She couldn't give this back, she realized. With a tinge of guilt, she put it back on the hanger and returned it to the closet. If Sam asked after it, she would give it back. Maybe Sam wouldn't notice it was missing?

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

Sam felt as though the bottom had fallen out of her world. She could only hope and pray that Janet would eventually see that they were perfect as a couple. She knew that they had problems, and she acknowledged to herself for the first time that Janet had borne the brunt of these in the past. She realized, with some shame, that she had not thought enough about the traumas that Janet went through, daily, as a result of being with her. Maybe she was right? Maybe Sam's job meant that she shouldn't be part of a family? Maybe it wasn't fair to expect to love, and be loved, and still do the kind of work she did.

To start with, Sam had been angry. Real angry. But now, as she calmed down, she tried to look at the situation from Janet's perspective; she tried to imagine how _she_ would feel if she were waving Janet through that damned Stargate a couple of times a week. Shitty, she admitted to herself.

So was that it, then? Sam wondered to herself. She couldn't really blame Janet for finally trying to protect herself.

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

After the split from Janet, Sam barely left the base. She didn't see any real reason to. Sure, she went out and checked over the apartment. It was small, clean and functional. It also had two bedrooms, so Cassie would have somewhere to stay when she came over. But increasingly Sam only went to the apartment when she knew Cassie was coming, usually heading over there the day before to stock up on milk and bread, and to try to make the place look lived-in. Cassie wasn't fooled for a moment, but she didn't want to make it any harder on Sam so she kept quiet. Sam suspected Cassie had guessed the truth, but she kept quiet too. And neither of them talked about Janet. There was a whole load not being said.

To start with, Sam couldn't face opening the boxes that had been forwarded by Janet. Just looking at her elegant handwriting on the boxes caused a pang that was almost physically painful. But eventually she had forced herself to go through them, and to find a place for all her things. She noticed immediately that the jacket hadn't come back, but she didn't challenge Janet on that. She took it as a small glimmer of hope that maybe this wasn't the end. She didn't know if she was kidding herself, but if she were ever to start communicating with Janet again, she would have to try and understand her motivations.

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

To begin with, Janet couldn't face finding another job. But after two weeks of moping around the house, she knew she had to find something to give her the motivation to get out of bed in the morning.

Money wasn't a major consideration; Janet's parents had left her very well provided for, so the house was paid off, and she had a good sum in the bank. And Sam was being very generous with her monthly payments. "For Cassie," Sam had said, during one of their brief cellphone conversations. "I know raising a kid doesn't come cheap." Janet had tried to insist that the sum was still too high. "Keep it for her college fund," Sam had insisted. "That kid's going far."

So Janet did keep it. Even though her communications with Sam were rare and rather formal, she appreciated the blonde's attempts to keep things civilized, friendly.

After two weeks of job-hunting, Janet found the perfect position, at least for the moment. She took a job, three days a week, covering a maternity leave position at her local health centre. The work was undemanding but pleasant, and her co-workers were friendly and kind, in a detached sort of fashion. None of them seemed interested in getting to know about her private life, and for this she was grateful. She didn't want to open up to anybody right now.

For the other two days, she took an unpaid position in a woman's refuge. Well, the job was more often on the road, visiting battered women, patching them up, helping them to start new lives. Sometimes her role wasn't medical at all, sometimes she was just called to help one of the 'clients' move out in a hurry. She didn't care if she was required to fix a broken arm, or to help move heavy boxes into a van before the abusing partner returned. All she cared was that she was being useful, and she was making a real difference. This role was deeply satisfying to her. It made her realize, though, when she saw these abusive relationships first hand, just how special her time with Sam had been. Had she made the wrong decision? Was the anguish and the worry worthwhile?

More than once, Janet picked up the 'phone to call Sam, but every time she put it back down again. How could she expect Sam to forgive how she had behaved? Would Sam ever want to speak to her again? Even now, both women seemed to be trying their damnedest to avoid each other. Janet often dropped Cassie at the mountain when it was Sam's turn to have her for the weekend, but she always checked Sam's schedule and made sure she delivered Cassie at least a half hour before Sam was due to return. Janet knew this was cowardice, but she couldn't seem to help herself. And Sam was just the same, most often dropping Cassie straight to school. On the rare occasion she took her back to the house, she would drop her at the end of the driveway and drive off at high speed, as if catching a glimpse of Janet would have been painful to her. Which of course it would.

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

Four months into the separation, Sam was told that SG-1 were going on a week-long mission to a friendly planet. The area had already been scouted by SG-12, and had been found to be of great cultural interest. It also had surprisingly high levels of technology, even though the culture seemed a little backward in some ways.

Daniel was very excited; it seemed that the nearest civilization to that on P8X-383 was that from Ancient Rome, and he was thrilled that he would get to learn first-hand from the seemingly approachable natives how their society worked. And Sam was going to investigate the use they had made of naquadah in their city. Under-floor heating, hypocausts, were in place, but these were powered by naquadah rather than fires. And they had somehow developed an advanced air-conditioning system with only basic materials. She was fascinated.

The survey of the planet had revealed that both these innovations were more than luxuries, they were near-essentials. The climate was harsh; hot and humid during the day, and dropping to near freezing at night.

So Sam shipped out, with the rest of SG-1, in a cheerful mood. She would have much to entertain her during the day, and Daniel would be like a kid in a candy store. The colonel would have time to practice his yo-yo and Teal'c, well Teal'c would be loyal and supportive as always.

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

Janet was relieved to learn that Sam would be away for a whole week. Her resolve was weakening, and she didn't want to make any foolish moves out of weakness. Deep down she still felt she had made the right choice. Or at least she thought she did. So not having to see her former lover for a while would not be a bad thing.

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

When they got to the planet, SG-1 met with Jernin, the leader of the city. He was a warm, friendly man, who seemed to care deeply about his people. This endeared him to Sam and of course to Daniel, who immediately struck up a rapport with him. Sam could see why he was so revered by his people; the white-haired man was gentle, but firm, with wisdom eking out of every pore.

That night, they were having dinner in the warm evening air outside the town hall. A great feast had been prepared for them all, and they enjoyed the hospitality of their hosts. Jernin had urged them to enjoy an alfresco meal, telling them that the air wouldn't cool until midnight, at which time the temperature would drop sharply. He had already shown them to a small cottage nearby, which they would be sharing. The old-fashioned rules of the city dictated that men and women should sleep in separate rooms, so the colonel, Daniel and Teal'c were in the larger room, while Sam was shown to a smaller, one-bed room. It was clean and homely, and she looked forward to the peace after the busy hubbub of the base.

As they were having dinner, Sam noticed a small figure in the bushes a couple of hundred yards from where they were. "What's that?" she asked Jernin.

His face clouded over. "That's Perdita," he said, his normally jovial features turning to sadness. "She's a wild one. Lives in the woods, won't let any of us take her in."

Sam asked for an explanation, so he told the sad tale. Perdita, now seven years old, had been part of a loving family. Just over a year ago, though, her parents and her brother had died in what he termed 'the sickness'. From Jernin's description, this was a type of scarlet fever. Eight of the city-dwellers had died at that time, though only Perdita's family had suffered multiple fatalities.

"She was taken in by a family at the time," Jernin told her, and Sam was sure she could detect anger in his countenance. "But there was an 'incident'. The party responsible has been punished. But Perdita doesn't trust any of us now. So she runs wild."

"What kind of an 'incident'?" Sam had already guessed.

"It didn't get that far," Jernin knew where she was coming from. "But it was close, if he hadn't been interrupted..." He tailed off. "He won't be doing that again," he said grimly. "Of that I can be sure."

Sam didn't ask what he meant by that. "How does she live?"

"We all put out food," Jernin told her. "And some of us leave blankets out at night. She won't come into the houses, but she'll sometimes stay in outbuildings, if she thinks nobody's seen her. I wish we could do more, but we can't seem to get through to her."

Sam was heartbroken. Perdita's story was not that dissimilar to Cassie's, and she hated to think what would have happened to Cassie if they hadn't come across her that time. She shivered.

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

That night, Sam put a pile of spare blankets by the door to her room but, as she had expected, they were undisturbed when she awoke in the morning.

However, at breakfast, she was sure she had caught sight of a by-now-familiar figure darting through the undergrowth. She casually left her canteen of water, and a few energy bars, by the log she had been sitting on, and made her way back into the cottage. She called the guys back inside too, and they all watched intently as a small figure emerged from the trees. Cautiously she looked around her, but seeing nothing grabbed one of the bars and crammed it into her mouth.

Sam repeated the exercise at lunch, this time leaving a full plate of hot food by the log. This time she was alone, as the others were all tied up in the village. She was delighted to see the small girl creep out again, and grab the plate, disappearing back into the undergrowth. She assumed that this was the last she would see of it, and was moved to tears later that day when the plate was returned and placed on the porch, clean and dry. Next to it was a small bunch of woodland flowers. She picked up the flowers and smelled them; the scent was delightful. At that moment, her eye caught sight of the girl, standing in the open this time, a few hundred yards from the cottage. "Thank you," she said quietly. Perdita gave her a small smile, and then disappeared into the undergrowth again.

This pattern continued for the next two days, until finally Perdita came up and sat next to Sam while SG-1 were having dinner round the campfire. "Hey," Sam said quietly, trying not to startle her. "Wanna try some?" And she put some dinner on a plate for her. Perdita took it from her gingerly, and then backed off into the forest with the plate. Sam had hoped to see her again that evening, but it was not to be. But the next morning, the plate was on the porch, with a beautifully shone pebble in the middle of it.

She spoke to the colonel, and he gave her permission to look for the girl. "We'll get some other geek to talk to them about the technology, Carter, you find the kid; she seems to like you. Maybe you can get through to her?"

"Maybe I can Sir," she answered him. "I don't know how, but I want to help. I think she's a sweet kid. She shouldn't be alone, she's barely more than a baby." Her voice hitched.

"Then you go Carter" O'Neill reassured her, "I'll clear it with Hammond. He's got a soft spot for kids too, if I remember right," he was thinking back to the warm relationship 'Uncle George' had immediately developed with Cassie. Oh yeah, the general wouldn't mind.

So Sam spent all morning hunting for Perdita, and eventually found the small 'nest' she had built for herself in the woods. It was barely visible, and Sam could see offered little to no protection from the elements. She prayed that Perdita was still sneaking into outbuildings at night to keep warm, though she knew from the girl's emaciated frame that she wasn't getting enough to eat.

She was looking through the girls meagre belongings when suddenly Perdita appeared behind her. "Hi," she said quietly to her. "You're Perdita, right?" The girl nodded. "I'm Samantha Carter, but you can call me Sam," she told her, unconsciously repeating the same words she had said to Cassandra four years before. The girl nodded again.

It was then that Sam noticed the blood down Perdita's leg. "Gee, you're hurt," she said, "can I take a look?" Perdita just looked at her, so Sam ever so gently and keeping her movements as slow as possible, lifted the hem of her filthy tattered dress. She could see a deep gash just below the knee, that really needed stitches.

"That looks sore, sweetie, does it hurt?" Sam asked in a soft voice.

The girl nodded again, tears gathering in her eyes.

"Will you come with me back to the cottage? I want to clean it up for you, make it feel better."

Perdita looked scared.

"It's okay, honey," Sam reassured her. "It's only me; the guys are out at the moment. I promise you."

The girl looked up at her and, much to Sam's surprise, slipped her hand in Sam's. Sam led her back to the cottage, where she cleaned the deep wound as best she could. She tried, but failed, to persuade Perdita to let her give her a bath, but she did allow her to dress her wound and apply butterfly sutures. However, as soon as it was done, she could see the small girl was itching to get away again. She was determined to win her trust, so Sam didn't try to detain her.

"That's a bad cut, Perdita," Sam told her, "will you come back later, and let me clean it again? I think it may be getting infected, and we need to keep it super-clean to make sure you're okay."

"Okay," Perdita said in a small whisper, the first word she had spoken. And then before Sam could speak again, she had disappeared.

But the girl didn't return that afternoon, or that evening. By 2200hrs, Sam was getting worried.

"Nothin' you can do Carter," O'Neill told her. "Just be here when she comes again. And she will come again, I'm sure of it."

Sam tried to muster a smile. "You're right Sir," she hoped his confidence was not misplaced.

That night, she made sure that there was a big pile of blankets in the corner of her room.

She didn't think she would sleep, but eventually she did drift off. She was a light sleeper though, and was awoken by a small sound at around 0300hrs. Looking over to the corner, her heart lifted when she saw a small bundle wrapped in the blankets she had left out. Quietly, so as not to disturb her 'guest' she crawled out of bed and approached Perdita. Her pleasure at the young girl's trust in her dissipated almost immediately though, when she noticed she was shaking and whimpering slightly in her sleep. She put a hand out to her forehead, and realized the girl was burning up.

Without thinking, she gathered the small bundle up, and carried her to her bed. As she lay her down, the child awakened, and looked at her with small, scared eyes.

"Shh," Sam told her. "It's okay. You'll be okay. You're feeling pretty lousy now, eh? We'll fix you up. And then you can go if you want to, we won't make you stay here. But I would like it if you would stay until you feel better, will you do that?"

Perdita nodded slightly, and then reached out to seize Sam's hand.

"Carter?" O'Neill's voice was soft, and she saw his form in the doorway.

"Kid's sick, Sir," Sam was astonished to realize she was close to tears. Perdita started at the male voice, and Sam saw the fear in her eyes. "It's okay," she reassured her. "He's a good guy. I promise you. But I won't leave you alone, I swear. Not for one moment, okay?"

"Okay," Perdita's voice was hoarse.

"Need anything?" O'Neill asked.

"Antibiotics from the MALP, and the rest of the dressings, please, Sir," Sam told him. "Her wound's infected. And some water, she's dehydrated."

He returned ten minutes later, with all the medical provisions. Carefully, Sam bathed the girl's wound, and when she showed no resistance, cleaned up the rest of her as best she could. She removed the tattered filthy dress, and slipped one of her own t-shirts over her head. It was far too big for her, but worked as a long nightdress. Anything clean, she guessed, had to be better than what she was wearing.

It was a long night, and Sam spent most of it sponging down the girl's fevered body. She gave her a hefty dose of antibiotics, and persuaded her to take small sips of water.

By the middle of the next morning, Perdita's fever had fallen considerably, and she finally fell into a deep sleep. Sam was exhausted herself, and when the girl pulled her to the bed, it took little persuasion for her to climb in next to her. When O'Neill looked round the door at 1400hrs, he was charmed to see the small girl wrapped in Sam's arms. "Oh Carter," he said quietly to himself. "It's Cassie all over again, isn't it?"


	4. Chapter 4 of 10 DECISIONS

Perdita slept for all of the afternoon, and most of the evening. When she stirred just after 2000hrs, she saw that Sam was already awake, though she remained in the bed with her, her arms wrapped softly around her. Sam realized the young girl was awake.

"Hey," she said softly, absentmindedly brushing a strand of Perdita's hair behind her ear, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," Perdita replied in a quiet voice.

Sam put her hand to her forehead. "Still a bit warm, but much better," she smiled. "Think you could manage to eat anything?"

Perdita shook her head, and turned slightly green. "Not yet," she whispered.

"Okay, sweetie. Could you manage some water?" Sam knew she was dehydrated. Perdita nodded, so Sam helped her drink almost half a cup.

"Tired," Perdita said, her eyelids drooping.

"That's okay; that's good. You need to sleep. You'll feel much better when you wake up," Sam helped her lie down again, pulling the blankets up round her.

"Don't go," a look of panic came into Perdita's eyes.

"Don't worry, sweetheart," Sam reassured her. "I'm not going anywhere. You go back to sleep, I'll be right here when you wake up, I promise." She pulled the small girl, who was horribly thin and still shaking slightly, into her lap, soothing her hand over her forehead until she fell asleep.

Sam felt desperately sad for this girl who was barely more than a baby. She knew what it was like to lose a mother, but her case had been very difficult. She had been fifteen, not six, when her mom died. And she'd had a father - admittedly a somewhat distant one in those days - and family. And a home. Perdita had lost her entire family in the space of a week. And then it turned out that the place of refuge that she had been offered afterward had been anything but. Only a chance interruption had prevented her from becoming a victim of serious abuse. But she had been so frightened by what had happened that she had just taken off, and hidden in the woods. Since that time, she had lived hand-to-mouth, eating scraps of leftover food, too frightened to come into the city except when she was absolutely desperate. She had been so young when she was almost abused that she didn't understand that not all people were like that, so she kept away from the others as much as she could.

The thing that Sam couldn't understand was how this girl had managed to retain such a sweet personality. She was living wild, couldn't trust anyone, but still showed sweetness and tenderness to Sam in repayment of the smallest kindnesses she had shown her. She had left flowers, and the pebble that Sam could feel in her pocket right now. She knew she would treasure the pebble for ever; it would last longer than the flowers that, right now, were wilting in a mug on the small table by the bed.

Sam knew that she couldn't leave this child helpless and alone on the planet. She knew from Jernin that he, and others, had made real attempts to help her, but that all their overtures had been rejected. She had been too scared by her early experiences to trust anybody on the planet. Perhaps it was because Sam was a stranger that she had taken to her? Or was it just because she was sick and defenseless that she had allowed Sam to tend her? But then, Sam remembered, she had already started to let her defenses down even before she had gotten sick.

With that realization, came a huge responsibility. Sam was the only person she had learned to trust since the death of her family; could she live with herself if she left her behind on this planet? But could she reasonably expect to take her back with her? Her relationship with Janet had shattered, so she couldn't even offer her a proper family. And God alone knew how she would cope with a child and her job, which was demanding at the best of times. After all, that had been the major reason behind her loss of Janet. But even with all the problems that a life with Sam would bring, surely almost anything was better that this feral existence? She could at least offer a home, and love. And Cassie had often nagged about being an only child. She would be a wonderful 'big sister' for this traumatized child, even if they wouldn't be living in the same place.

But these were not the only considerations; would Jernin allow Sam to take Perdita, to a strange planet about which he knew nothing? What would the colonel say? Would the Air Force sanction her adoption? What about clearance from the SGC?

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

Just as she was mulling these thoughts, Colonel O'Neill appeared at the door. "She asleep?" he asked in a low tone.

Sam nodded.

"You're gonna take her back, aren't you?" the colonel was more astute than he let on.

Sam eased out from under Perdita, and moved toward the door. "I'm trying to work out what's best for her Sir," she told him in a whisper. "And I'm sorry, but I just can't see that leaving her here to fend for herself can possibly be a good thing. What happens next time she gets sick? And she will get sick, especially if she continues to live wild. She's got nobody to care for her, she's seriously underweight, she's traumatized..." Sam was furious to find her eyes welling up with tears.

"Carter! Stop!" his tone was gently mocking. "I hear ya. And for what it's worth, Sam," she knew from his use of her first name that it was 'Jack' speaking now, not just the colonel, "I think you're right. And Hammond will think you're right too. We leave her here now, and she'll be dead in a year, maybe six months," Sam started at the harsh truth of his words. "I couldn't live with that, even if you could. And I know you couldn't."

"She's just a baby," Sam was nearly weeping. "She needs a good home, she deserves to be loved and cared for."

"And you're just the woman to do it, Sam," O'Neill's tone was as gentle as his words.

"Maybe we should try and find a suitable family," Sam was trying to be sensible. "I can hardly offer her the best home, I'm away all the time, I do a dangerous job that I just can't leave, I can't give her a real family. And I'm a lousy cook..." she trailed off.

"And you're the only person she's opened up to in over a year, Carter, that means something. The kid'll be better off with you that anyone else," O'Neill was firm. "And can you see Cassie forgiving you if you don't take her in?" he tried to lighten the atmosphere with humor.

"No Sir," Sam tried to smile. "I guess she'd be pretty pissed." Perdita stirred in her sleep and let out a small whimper. Sam looked over at her anxiously.

"Go to her Carter. I'm gonna speak to Jernin, I'll be back soon," O'Neill put his hand on her arm. "And try not to worry. This is all going to work out, I'm gonna make damned sure it does."

"Thank you, Sir," Sam whispered, as she made her way back to the bed. She ran her hand gently over Perdita's back. "It's okay," she told her in a quiet voice, "it's all gonna be okay." The child stilled, and in her sleep reached out to Sam. For the first time since Sam had met her, her expression was relaxed and calm. Sam knew then that she was doing the right thing. If she could offer this lost, lonely and frightened little girl some sort of security, maybe even real happiness, she had to try, didn't she?

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

It was nearly two hours when she saw a figure approach the door again. She was expecting to see the colonel, but it was Teal'c who appeared there. Perdita, who had awakened a short time before, looked panicked at the sight of him. "It's okay sweetie," Sam told her. "He's a good guy. A real good guy. Here, let me introduce you to him. Is it okay if he comes in?" Sam was determined that Perdita was going to call the shots, there was no way she was going to force her into anything she was uncomfortable with.

Perdita looked up at Sam, and tried to mask her fear. "Okay," she said in a small voice.

"Come in, Teal'c," Sam called. "There's somebody I want you to meet. This is Perdita. She's a very special girl."

Teal'c approached the bed, all the while keeping a respectful distance. "Perdita, I am most pleased to make your acquaintance," he said, giving a small bow and a gentle smile.

"Hi... Teal'c" she whispered. She looked up at him, her gaze unwavering. "What's that thing on your head?" she asked him.

"It is a bad symbol, from my former life," Teal'c told her. "It indicates slavery, to false gods. It is worthless."

"Can I touch it?" she asked.

Teal'c bent right down to the small figure on the bed. "You are most welcome," he said. Gingerly, she reached out with her small hand and traced the ridges of the symbol.

"I like it," she said, "it's pretty."

Teal'c smiled. He turned to Sam, "Major Carter, Colonel O'Neill has requested your presence at a meeting with Jernin. I will remain here in your place, if Perdita will permit."

Sam turned to Perdita. "What d'you say sweetie? Will you stay here with Teal'c? Or I can ask them to come here, if you'd rather."

"Will you come back afterwards?" the girl asked. "When you've finished?"

"I promise," Sam told her. "I'll be right back, as soon as I can get away."

"I'll stay with Teal'c then," Perdita was trying to be brave. This man was huge and imposing, but he seemed kind and gentle, and he obviously had great respect for Sam, so he must be good. And Sam had told her he was a good man.

Sam kissed her on the forehead. "Be back as soon as I can, I promise."

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

Sam's meeting with Jernin was long and trying. The city's leader was not going to let Perdita leave without being absolutely sure that she would be properly cared for. He had heard of planets where humans, even children, were used as slaves and even worse some planets where their bodies were taken over by parasitical forms. He wanted to be sure that Sam's offer of a new home would not be even worse than the misery that the small girl was already suffering.

Jernin couldn't shake the feeling of guilt that he had about Perdita. He had genuinely tried to get her to move back into the city, and he had gone to great efforts to find good, kind parents for her. He felt terrible about her first placement, but he hadn't known of the man's perversions. As soon as he learned about Perdita's ordeal, he had instigated an immediate investigation, which had resulted in lifelong imprisonment, in solitary, for the perpetrator. But that was still too late for Perdita, who hadn't been able to trust anybody since.

Now, though, she seemed to have bonded with this stranger from millions of light years away. He knew he didn't have the right to block the child's only chance of happiness, but he interrogated Sam at length before giving his agreement. Finally, after being given many assurances by Sam and O'Neill, and offered the right to visit regularly - without having to give notice - he agreed to the adoption. When he saw the tears of relief and joy gather in the young major's eyes, he knew he had made the right decision.

Rejoicing, Sam made her way back to the cottage.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

When she reached her room, she stuck her head round the door. Her heart was warmed when she saw Teal'c, sitting on a chair next to the bed. He was holding his large hand up, and Perdita had placed her own tiny one flat against it. As Sam arrived, she looked up. "Sam!" Perdita cried, "look, I think Teal'c is some sort of giant. He's got _huge _hands!" and she grinned with delight.

Sam was thrilled; Perdita was making friends with Teal'c, who was the very gentlest of giants. And she was clearly growing in confidence; that was the longest sentence she had said since she had come into all their lives.

"He sure has, sweetie," Sam smiled. "And he's got an even bigger heart."

Teal'c smiled at this compliment, and moved respectfully away from the bed. Perdita unselfconsciously reached up for a hug from Sam.

"I've got something to tell you, Perdita," Sam settled herself on the side of the bed, and prayed that the girl would like what she had to say. "You know I'm not from around here, huh?"

Perdita nodded, looking a little wary, scared of what was to come.

"Well I have to go home in a couple of days. It's a long, long way away; a whole different planet," Sam couldn't work out the best way to explain.

"No!" Perdita interrupted. "You can't leave, you promised."

"I'll have to go home, sooner or later," Sam's tone was soft. "But here's the thing. I don't want to leave you here. It's dangerous for you, living in the woods, with nobody to take care of you. It makes me sad to think of you living like that. So I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come back with me?" Sam held her breath, waiting for the young girl to process what she had heard.

"You mean live with you?" Perdita asked finally.

"Only if you want to. Or you can come back with me, and we'll find you a nice family to live with, and I could visit all the time. It's up to you sweetie. Or you can stay here if you'd rather; I don't want you to do anything you want to," Sam's words were rushed, her heart was in her mouth. She knew that if Perdita didn't want to come with her, there was no way she was going to force her. She would just have to make another plan.

"I wanna come," Perdita's voice was almost inaudible. "But I want to stay with you, not another family, not anybody else. I want to see Teal'c, too."

"Oh Perdita, that's just wonderful," Sam pulled the girl tight to her. "You don't know how much I wanted to hear you say that. It won't be a perfect life, and I won't be a perfect mom. I have to work, a lot, and I'm sometimes away. But I've got some great friends who'll look after you when I'm not there. And I'll be home as much as I can. My daughter will be so excited to meet you, she'll be thrilled to have a baby sister."

"Your daughter?" Perdita asked.

"She's called Cassie, Cassandra, and she's beautiful. Inside and out. I adopted her, with Janet, from another planet just over four years ago. She's nearly fifteen now, you'll love her."

"Who's Janet?" Perdita was trying to process all this new information.

Sam's face clouded over. She knew she had to be honest with this girl, so she had to tell her the truth about everything right from the beginning. "She was my girlfriend, sweetie," she said, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice. "We all lived together for a few years, as a family. But we split up a few months ago." Perdita looked concerned. "But we both still love Cassie, more than anything. And Cassie's going to love you too, I just know it."

"Will Cassie live with us?" Perdita asked.

"Some of the time," Sam told her. "She lives with her mom most of the time, but she stays with me regularly. And I'll bet she'll want to come over all the time when you move in."

Perdita gave a small, sad smile. "Sam?" her tone was querulous.

"Yes sweetie?" Sam asked.

"I miss my mom," she said in a very small voice.

"I'm sure you do, honey, you've had a terrible time. And I don't want to replace her. Not in any way. But I do want to try and make you happy, make sure you're safe," Sam's heart broke for this small child who looked at her with such love, and yet such fear in her eyes.

"Mom used to call me Dita," Perdita told her.

"That's real pretty," Sam said, "I'll be your mom was real special."

Perdita nodded. "Will you call me Dita too?"

Sam's heart filled with joy.

"I sure will, honey. Whatever you want," and she hugged her to her, holding her tightly until, eventually, the child fell off to sleep.

Sam didn't know what sort of future she was offering the child, but she hoped and prayed that it would be a better and happier one.


	5. Chapter 5 of 10 REGRETS & RESOLUTIONS

Janet had hoped to be able to take her mind off Sam in the week that the blonde scientist was offworld. She had told herself that she wouldn't have to think about her, or worry about bumping into her while dropping Cassie off at the mountain, or at Sam's apartment.

Of course, Janet was kidding herself. The fact that Sam was offworld meant that she was on the young doctor's mind, almost all day, every day. Not only did she worry just as much as she ever had about what trouble Sam was potentially getting herself into, she also worried about what medical treatment she would receive when she returned. At least when she was the base CMO, she could be relatively sure that the best decisions were being made. At least, the decisions were the best that she knew how to make, even if she did make mistakes. But would any of the other doctors have recognized that Sam's consciousness had been transferred to the base mainframe when she was taken over by the entity? Janet realized, at last, that no, they wouldn't. The conclusions that she had drawn at the time were wrong, but were based on sound medical fact. Janet couldn't have done any better.

So what the hell had she been beating herself up about? It was the fear of losing Sam that had made her view her actions, in retrospect, much more harshly than she should have done. Sam had told her that, a thousand times. But she had never really believed it. Until now.

And now, Sam was offworld, Janet had no idea what she was doing; she was no longer part of the SGC machine, so she got no information whatsoever. She must have been mad, she realized, to imagine that life would be easier this way.

To make things worse, she was on a week's vacation from the health center. She didn't want to take the days off - in truth, didn't want to be left with too much time to think - but she wasn't given a choice, the vacations were all rostered. By mid-morning Monday, she had had enough of her own company, so she went into the women's shelter, to see if she could do anything to help there. They were always short-staffed, so they were delighted to see her on one of her days off.

Some of the cases at the shelter were heart-rending, women who kept going back, time after time, to their abusive partners. She used not to be able to understand what it was that made them keep going back, but it soon became clear to her that life is not black and white. And when you love somebody, it's hard as hell to keep away from them, even if you know being with them is not good for you.

One of the women who kept going back was a young black girl called Susie. She was 29, bright, funny, sexy and intelligent. But her boyfriend had some sort of hold over her, and she regularly turned up at the shelter, bruised and battered. She was too smart to really believe her boyfriend when, each time, he told her it would never happen again. But she loved him, and wanted to believe him. So she continued to kid herself.

On that Monday, Susie turned up with a fractured wrist and two cracked ribs. Her boyfriend Jared was clever, and most of the time, the injuries he inflicted were not visible. This time, however, not only had he hurt her wrist and ribs, he had also given her a horrific black eye and split her lip. Quite apart from the injuries themselves (and these were bad enough), Janet worried that this loss of control meant that Jared was finding it harder and harder to regulate his behavior, and to stop before his attacks became really dangerous.

Susie was almost catatonic, and also ashamed. As Janet set her wrist, bound her ribs and cleaned up her black eye, she hardly looked up. She knew that Janet was disappointed in her for continuing to go back, and fully expected a lecture. Janet, however, had learned that this would not be helpful, so she kept quiet, though she couldn't keep tears from forming in her eyes when she saw the terrible bruising on Susie's side. "We'll always be here for you, Susie, just don't forget that, huh?" was the only reference Janet made to the girl's predicament. And she gave her a gentle hug, being careful not to touch her tender side. Susie gave her a grateful look, and left.

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

Perdita's temperature was almost normal by the time she awoke on the Friday morning. She looked up, and saw Sam sitting by her bed, notebook in hand, working away. Sam saw her stir. "Hey, sweetie," she said in a soft voice. "How are you this morning?"

Perdita gave her a wide smile. "I'm good," she said, with real feeling. In the last day, this woman who had been a stranger less than a week before had offered her the chance of a new life, away from fear, hunger and loneliness. In short, she had opened up for her a real chance at happiness, and it had been a long time since the young child had awoken with such hope in her heart.

Sam brought her some oatmeal, which she ate hungrily. She then allowed Sam to give her a long, hot bath. When they came back into the room, they found a dress in her size hanging over the chair. Unbeknownst to them, Daniel had managed to acquire the dress from a local family. Perdita looked uncomfortable when she saw it, however, and shook her head, shrinking back into Sam. "No," she said, her voice small and slightly scared. Sam could only guess that Perdita feared that if she dressed like the others, she would again become one of 'them' and would have to stay behind. The fear was groundless, as so many fears are, but Sam understood it.

"That's okay, sweetie, you don't have to wear it," she hugged her close, and knelt down in front of her, drawing the bath towel tighter around her. "We'll find you something else."

Perdita pointed to Sam's t-shirt on the bathroom floor, which she had been wearing for the last two days. "Oh honey, you can't wear that, it's all dirty," Sam went and got it, showing the sweat-stained garment to the child. "But that's okay, I'll get you another one." And she went over to her pack, and pulled out another clean t-shirt. She was glad she had brought enough with her; her t-shirt was enormous on the child, if she'd had to borrow one from the guys, it would have swamped her completely.

She slid the shirt over Perdita's head, and it went down below the child's knees. Rifling in her pack one more, she drew out a spare BDU belt, and wrapped it twice round her waist. "There!" she said, triumphantly, "you look beautiful in your new dress!" Perdita giggled, the sweetest sound Sam had heard in a long time. Standing back and looking at the child, Sam realized that she was right; she did indeed look beautiful. The girl was stunning, her delicate features had been hidden before by grime, and by the fearful expression on her face. This smiling infant was completely transformed.

Sam went back to her pack, and took out a green BDU shirt, which she hung over the back of the chair. "If you get cold, Dita, you can use this as a jacket. But you won't have to wear these clothes for too long, we're going back this evening, if you still want to come with us?"

The look of delight on Perdita's face told her that she hadn't changed her mind.

**SGSGSGSGSGSG**

Janet's week at the shelter went relatively fast. There was a lot for her to do, which made her sad, but she was glad at least to have been there to do it. So it was Thursday by the time she noticed that they had not had any contact from Susie. She asked round, but nobody had heard from her, which was unusual. Usually, Susie would call a day or two after a visit, to let them know she was doing okay. At the shelter, they tried not to put any pressure on their clients, but they did try and follow up cases where possible, especially when they were frequent visitors like Susie. Janet tried calling her cell, but the phone just went to voicemail. She had an uneasy feeling about it, but there was nothing she could do. She had learned early on that making home visits was frowned upon, as it could put a woman in danger. And she had also learned that hardest of lessons, that you couldn't force anyone to come for help, or to leave abusive partners. The women had to make those decisions for themselves.

So Janet was tired, depressed and hungry when she left the shelter late on the Thursday night. She picked up take-out on the way home, collecting Cassie from a friend's house on the way back. Her relationship with Cassie had improved after those first few weeks when the teenager hadn't seemed to be able to forgive her for breaking up with Sam. Cassie was a very intuitive girl, though, and she had soon enough realized that Janet was also miserable, and floundering. So she backed off, and just tried to offer her support, for which Janet was enormously grateful. Janet knew, in her heart of hearts, that she had screwed things up; she also knew it was up to her to resolve it.

Janet and Cassie had just finished their meal, when Janet's cellphone trilled. "Fraiser," she barked into it, unable to get out of the military way of answering the phone. It was Heidi from the shelter.

"Janet?" Heidi's voice was tremulous.

"What's wrong?" Janet could tell from her tone that this was not a social call.

"It's Susie," Heidi told her, her voice breaking. "He did it. Finally. She's dead, Janet. He beat her to death. A neighbor found her. She's been dead nearly two days. Jared's in custody. The police want to talk to us tomorrow morning, 9am. Janet, I'm so sorry, I know you liked her."

Janet blanched. "Thank you for letting me know, Heidi," she tried to hold it together. "I'll be there before nine."

"There was nothing we could have done, Janet, it had to be her decision," Heidi tried to reassure the stricken doctor. Heidi had been at the shelter for five years now, and this was not her first fatality, and she knew sadly that it would not be her last. But she remembered her first like it was yesterday, and knew how Janet would be feeling. "Is there anybody with you?" she asked.

"My daughter," Janet's voice was hoarse. "I'm okay, Heidi. I'll see you tomorrow, then?" and she hung up the phone.

Cassie was immediately at her side. "Mom?" she was concerned, her mother had gone completely white, and looked close to collapse. Gently, she removed the phone from her hand, and guided her by the arm to the couch. As she reached the couch, Janet's legs went from under her, and Cassie only just managed to catch her in time. "Lie here," she commanded her mother, and sprinted out of the room. She returned a few seconds later, clutching a warm blanket, which she wrapped round her shaking mother.

"Susie's dead," Janet whispered. "We couldn't save her. She died. That bastard beat her to death," and at that, she started to weep, great shuddering sobs that wracked her tiny frame. Cassie sat on the end of the couch, and pulled her mom into her lap, rubbing her back, whispering soothing noises, just as she had seen Sam do before, when Janet had come back from the infirmary after a bad day, usually when somebody had been lost in the field.

It seemed to Cassie that they sat there for hours. Eventually, Janet's tears slowed and then stopped. She sat up. "Cassie, I'm so sorry, I'm such a fuck-up," she said, wiping her face. "And I've ruined all our lives. When I think of somebody like Susie, and all she went through in an abusive relationship... And I threw Sam out, kicked her out of our lives... for what? Because I didn't want to be upset occasionally if she got hurt. She's the best thing that ever happened to me, to us, and I was too cowardly to deal with the risks."

"Mom, it's okay," Cassie put her arm round her thin shoulders. Her mom never used to be this thin, did she? "It'll all be okay." She knew she had no reason to believe that, but wanted to say something, anything, to reassure her distraught mother.

"Will it?" Janet looked up at her daughter. "What if I called Sam, asked her to forgive me, what d'you think she'd say?"

Cassie's heart leapt. "I think she'd jump at the chance to get back with you, Mom," Cassie told her. "She loves you, she always has. She said she'd wait for you, didn't she?"

Janet nodded. "I know, but it's been months now Cass. She may have found somebody else. Somebody who can cope better than I can. She might not want to risk being with me any more."

"Mom, she hasn't looked at another woman, I know that for a fact. Look, she's coming back from her mission today, and you're supposed to be giving me a ride to the SGC. Why don't we go a bit early, so that you're there when she gets back? Then you can ask her face to face."

"D'you think that would work, honey?" Janet was fearful.

"It can't hurt, Mom," Cassie pointed out. "What's the worst that can happen? She'll say no, and you'll be right where you are now. Don't you think she's worth the risk?"

"You're right Cass," Janet smiled, a small sad smile. "When did you get to be so wise?"

"Well, somebody's got to be in this house," Cassie ducked as Janet mock-swatted her.

For the first time in months, Janet felt a small bloom of hope in her heart.


	6. Chapter 6 DANGER

On the planet, Sam had to touch base with 'the geeks', as the colonel insisted on calling them. Dr Lee had taken over a lot of her duties while she tended Perdita, for which she was very grateful. But she had to make sure all the bases had been covered. "I'm going out, just for an hour or so," she told the young girl. "I've got to do some work," she saw the scared look on her face. "But it's in the middle of the city. You can come with me if you want?" she saw by Perdita's expression that she was still too frightened to enter the city in daylight. "Or you can stay here, I can ask Teal'c to sit with you? Or you can go off and meet me back here later? It's up to you, Dita, I don't want you to do anything that you're not happy with."

"I'll see you here later," Perdita replied. "Is that okay?"

Sam leaned down, and lifted the tiny girl in her strong arms, planting a kiss on her cheek. "Yes, sweetie, of course it's okay. You be careful out there, okay?" Sam wasn't really too worried, she knew that the girl had survived in that environment for over a year on her own, though her heart ached that she had had to do so.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

In the end, Sam was tied up for nearly two hours with Dr Lee and his subordinates. Sometimes, she mused, the colonel was right; these guys really were geeks. She had tried to make a joke to lighten the atmosphere, and they looked at her as if she were from another planet. Which of course she was... but then so were they.

So she had hoped to see Perdita back at the cottage, but there was no sign of her. Not too concerned, she started to pack up her things, in preparation for the trip home. O'Neill and Daniel were still in meetings with the elders of the city. She smiled wryly at the thought. Daniel was a born diplomat, but the colonel was a different kind of man altogether, and she wondered if he had managed to hide his inevitable boredom. Teal'c was with them too, though Sam suspected that at times like that, he retreated into a kind of mini-kelno'reem, unbeknownst to the others, and that was why he often seemed so chilled.

An hour after her return, though, Sam started to get anxious. She hadn't expected Perdita to be away for so long. She was torn between leaving the cottage and setting out to look for her, and remaining where she was in case the girl returned. Just as she was trying to decide, she was relieved to see Teal'c appear at the door. She told him that she was heading out to find the girl, and asked him to stay in the cottage, keeping an eye out for her. "She trusts you," she explained to him, "so she'll come in if she sees you here. I don't know about the others."

"I will remain here, Major Carter," Teal'c assured her. "And I will alert you on the radio if she returns."

"Thanks, Teal'c," she smiled, "I shouldn't be too long, I know where her hide-out is."

But Sam was wrong. On reaching Perdita's camp, there was no sign of her. She called, and waited, and called again, but still nothing. She then extended her search, to an area she hadn't been to before, about half a click behind Perdita's camp. She knew it was a rocky, inhospitable sort of place, so had had no reason to visit. In the middle of the area was a former mine, where the natives had years before mined a granite-like substance. However, it had long been depleted, and was abandoned and dangerous. She couldn't imagine that Perdita had come here, but she had tried everywhere else she could think of, so she approached with caution, calling her name loudly.

As she neared the centre of the mine, which had a particularly deep shaft, she was sure she heard something. "Dita?" she called. "Dita, you there?"

"Here," a weak voice called. Sam's heart sank. She looked over the deep shaft and, about 20 feet down, saw a bedraggled Perdita, perched on a shelf that jutted out of the rock. She was frightened and shivering.

"Dita, honey, I'm here," Sam tried to keep her voice calm and soothing. She didn't want to startle the girl; she could see from there that the shelf was far from secure, and any sudden movements could risk dislodging it. "Try and stay still, sweetie, we'll come and get you."

She got on the radio, and called Teal'c, advising him of the situation, and imploring him to come, and to bring ropes. She turned her attention back to Perdita. "Are you hurt, honey?" she asked.

Perdita shook her head. Sam could see blood on her face and shoulder, but miraculously it seemed that the injuries were superficial.

"Teal'c's bringing ropes, sweetie, just hang on in there for a little while longer. I'll be down there with you in less than ten minutes, then we'll pull you out. We'll be home before you know it."

Perdita nodded, trying to be brave. "I'm sorry," she told Sam. "I got scared. Some people came and found my camp. I didn't want them to see me, so I ran away. And then I tripped."

"Hey, sweetie, there's nothing to be sorry for," Sam was lying on her stomach, her head sticking over the mine shaft. "And don't you worry about a thing. We'll get you out of there before you know it."

Within eight minutes, Teal'c was at her side. "O'Neill and Daniel Jackson will be here momentarily," he told her.

Without wasting a second, Sam tied two ropes to a secure piece of rock, and started to lower herself down on one of the ropes. When she reached the ledge, she fashioned a harness out of the end of the other piece of rope, and carefully tied a shaking but determined Perdita into it. "Teal'c's gonna pull you up now, honey," she told her. "You just have to stay still, you'll be out in a moment. He'll pull me up afterward," she reassured her. "And then we'll all go home." She reached out and touched Perdita's cheek. "You're safe now sweetie."

Teal'c effortlessly hauled the young girl out, and set her down a few feet away from the shaft. She was shaking, so he wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. "Major Carter?" he called. "I shall now start to pull you up."

"Thanks, Teal'c," Sam was getting tired, hanging from the rope, and was relieved to start moving upwards. However, what none of them saw was that her rope had gotten caught round a sharp piece of rock and, as Teal'c pulled, it was getting more and more frayed. As she neared the top, she caught sight of the rope's frayed edges. "Teal'c!" she shouted. She was literally hanging by a thread. "Stop, the rope's..." and as she said it, the rope snapped. She plummeted downwards, hitting her head on the side of the shaft. As she passed the ledge on which Perdita had rested, her shoulder caught the edge of it, and she recognized the sickening feeling of dislocation. Worse was to come, though, as she hit the bottom of the shaft; as she landed, her forearm shattered in a nasty compound fracture. Fortunately, for Sam, by the time this happened, she was already unconscious.

Teal'c was horrified by the turn of events. As he shouted over the shaft to Sam, the colonel and Daniel arrived. It soon became clear what had happened. "I'm goin' down," O'Neill had said, in a tone of voice that brooked no argument. "I'll double rope," he could see Daniel was going to warn him. "Daniel, get back to the 'gate. Get a med team, and we need proper lifting equipment; steel wires; scoop stretcher. She's hurt. Bad, I think." He could barely see his 2IC from where he stood, but he knew she had to have suffered a severe trauma.

During all this, Perdita huddled terrified behind a rock, unseen by both the colonel and Daniel. Only once O'Neill was safely at the bottom did Teal'c allow himself the luxury of looking for her. He saw her small, tear-stained form and immediately scooped her into his arms. "Major Carter is a formidable warrior," he told her gravely, "she is strong, she will survive this ordeal."

O'Neill was relieved to find a pulse when he lowered himself next to Sam. She had landed awkwardly, and was losing blood from the compound fracture on her forearm; he tried not to look at the bone sticking out of the torn flesh. She was also deeply unconscious, and her shoulder was sticking out at a sickening angle. He was concerned, too, by her labored breathing, which was far too shallow, and he heard the occasional gurgle. The trickle of blood from her mouth gave him particular concern. He decided to avoid moving her any more than absolutely necessary. He adjusted her head slightly to maximize her access to oxygen, and wrapped her in foil blankets. Gingerly, he wrapped a dressing round her fractured arm, just tight enough to slow the bleeding. He was grateful for her unconscious state; had she been awake, that alone would have been agonizing.

"Any sign of that med team yet?" he radioed Teal'c.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

Janet awoke on that Friday morning with a heavy heart. She remembered Susie's pointless, hideous death, and also knew that she would have to speak to the police. She breakfasted, showered and dressed. As went downstairs again on her way to the shelter, Cassie's door opened. Janet smiled at the teenager. Cassie hated early mornings, the sight of her at 0800hrs on a non-school day was a rarity. But she was fully dressed. "Wait, Mom," Cassie said. "I'm coming with you."

"Oh Cass, you don't have to do that, honey, it could take hours. You'll be bored. I'll see you afterwards."

But Cassie insisted. "I'll bring a book," she told her mother. "You aren't going there on your own. I know how hard this is for you."

Janet's heart melted. And when she emerged from the small office at the shelter, where she had spent nearly two hours going over everything with the police, she was so grateful that Cassie had insisted on accompanying her. She fell into her daughter's warm, strong arms, and allowed her to comfort her.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

Later that afternoon, Janet went and showered again, and dressed carefully. She felt like a kid on a first date, only with a lot more at stake. She really didn't know if she had any chance with Sam; she wouldn't blame her if she refused to see her even. But Cassie was right, she had nothing to lose.

So she did her hair with care, dressed in Sam's favorite soft denims that hugged her in all the right places. And, at the back of the closet, she found a bright blue shirt that she knew Sam loved. Well, Sam loved to unbutton it, if truth be told. She put perfume behind her ears, and dabbed a small amount between her breasts. She left the top two buttons of the shirt undone, knowing that this was a look Sam had never before been able to resist.

When she went back downstairs, Cassie was waiting for her. "Wow, Mom," Cassie exclaimed. "You look... well, hot actually. There's no way Sam's going to say no to you."

Janet smiled. "I hope you're right Cassie. I don't deserve to be forgiven, I know that. But if she does take me back, I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to her. And to you."

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

Janet and Cassie arrived at the SGC an hour before Sam was due back. Cassie went straight to see her 'Uncle George', and Janet made her way to the infirmary. She hadn't seen her former head nurse Sharon since she had left abruptly that time, and hadn't even returned her calls. She was embarrassed by her behavior, and wanted to apologize in person. Of course, Sharon wouldn't even let her finish her sentence before she pulled her into a hug.

Janet told Sharon of how appalled she was by her own behavior, and that she had come to try and turn the clock back. Sharon was delighted, and the two women were talking nineteen to the dozen when they heard the sirens and the all-too-familiar "unscheduled offworld activation." This was such a regular occurrence that they paid little attention, until the telephone in the infirmary rang. Sharon answered it and Janet did not fail to notice the panicked look on her face. "Yes, Sir," she said, "right away."

She turned to Janet. "There's been an accident. We need a team to go offworld now. I'll page Dr Michaels." And she did just that. She took a deep breath. "You might want to come too, Jan. It's Sam. She's hurt. You'd have to clear it with General Hammond, but I can't see him objecting."

Janet couldn't believe this was happening. Just as it seemed everything might, possibly, be okay again, now this. Within five minutes, she had cleared everything with Hammond, and was geared up in the 'gate room, checking the medical kit. Two SG teams were there too, with steel ropes and some sort of hydraulic lifting equipment. Dr Michaels, Sharon and two other nurses arrived at her side. "Let's go," Janet said, not wasting words.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

By the time Janet and her team had reached the mine shaft, Sam had been at the bottom for nearly 40 minutes. O'Neill had started an IV and had kept her still and warm, but that was all he had done.

In her desperation to get to Sam, Janet didn't notice the small girl in Teal'c's arms. If she had, she might have tried to temper her tone. As it was, she was briskly efficient, barking orders and demanding that they be followed _immediately_. She had no idea that her military bark was scaring this already traumatized child.

It took only five minutes for the airmen to get a steel rope ready for Janet, and she was lowered down immediately, followed a few moments after by a scoop stretcher. She reached Sam's side, and nearly gagged at the sight of her arm. She wasn't squeamish in any way, and had dealt with any number of such injuries; it was the fact that it was Sam who had been injured that turned her stomach.

But she let her professional training take over, and within a quarter of an hour, she and the colonel had eased Sam onto the scoop stretcher, and strapped her in securely. Janet gave her a hefty dose of morphine, so that if she woke up at any stage, she wouldn't be feeling any pain.

Janet was especially concerned by Sam's breathing, which was getting more labored and difficult. "We need O2 here _stat_," she yelled into the radio, and as soon as a small tank was lowered, she fixed the oxygen mask over Sam's mouth and nose. She was relieved to find that her breathing became marginally easier. "Okay, let's get her home," she told the colonel grimly.

"We need those ropes down here NOW," O'Neill bellowed into his radio.

"Nearly there, Sir," replied one of the airmen at the top of the shaft. They were installing a full hydraulic lift; because of the severity of Sam's injuries, they couldn't risk her banging against the side of the shaft, the lift had to be smooth and non-jarring to the patient.

At that moment, Sam stirred. She felt like a herd of stampeding elephants had invaded her brain; also, she couldn't move. She forced her eyes open, and then remembrance hit her like a truck. "Dita?" she asked in a hoarse voice, barely audible through the oxygen mask.

"She's fine, Carter," O'Neill reassured her. "She's with Teal'c. Now hold still, we're gonna get you back to the SGC. You're gonna be okay."

Sam swallowed painfully; breathing was difficult. She couldn't remember when she had last felt this bad. The morphine sensation was stronger than ever, she must be hurt bad to warrant this amount. Then, in the corner of her eye, she saw a familiar figure. God, she must be more out of it than she felt. She closed her eyes, and then opened them again. She was still there. "Jan?" she croaked. "S'that really you?"

Janet took her uninjured hand. "It is me, baby. And I love you."

"You came to get me?" Sam's voice was weak.

"I did; and I'm never leaving you again," Janet tried to hold her voice steady. "We'll talk when you're all better."

"Love you," Sam's voice was slurred; she was struggling to hold onto consciousness. She could taste blood in the back of her throat.

Seconds later, O'Neill heard "below!" on his radio, and he saw five strong steel ropes being lowered into the shaft. He caught these, and deftly attached four of them to the corners stretcher. The fifth rope he attached to the harness Janet was already wearing, so that she could be hauled up at the same time as Sam. They all knew that time was of the essence.


	7. Chapter 7 HOMEWARD BOUND

Perdita saw the badly injured Sam as she rose up out of the shaft, and cried out in distress. The small, scary woman was with her, and started issuing orders as soon as they reached the surface. Perdita was terrified, Sam was unconscious and barely breathing and covered in blood. What if she died? It would be all her fault. She clung to Teal'c in fear and distress.

Ten minutes later, the stretcher came through the wormhole into the SGC. An immediate scan revealed that Sam had a punctured lung as well as all the other injuries. Janet took her straight into surgery.

**SGSGSGSGSG**

Teal'c followed O'Neill and Daniel through the wormhole, Perdita's small hand in his huge one. The girl looked like a deer in headlights. She didn't understand this strange place, with all its noises and flashing lights and people running about. Where were they taking Sam? What was going to happen now?

General Hammond approached Teal'c, "Teal'c," he said, "they've taken Major Carter to the infirmary. This young lady," he tried to keep his voice as calm as gentle as possible, "must be Perdita. Welcome to the SGC Perdita. My name is George Hammond, I'm in charge here."

Perdita tried to hide behind Teal'c.

"I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to visit the infirmary too, Perdita," Hammond continued; the young girl looked even more scared, if that were possible. "Don't worry," he reassured her, "we just have a few tests we have to run on anybody from another planet. They won't hurt, and they should only take a short while. Teal'c can stay with you, if you'd like that?"

She nodded. She seemed to have lost her voice in this new environment. When she was with Sam, she had felt secure and happy, but now Sam was hurt, badly hurt, and all of Perdita's new-found confidence had crumbled away. It was only with this big, quiet man with the funny symbol on his head that she felt safe. "I will remain with you as long as you require, Perdita," Teal'c said, in his solemn way. "You need not fear."

Teal'c led the young child to the infirmary, not releasing his hold on her hand for a second. He stayed close by her side as they scanned her for any parasitical infestation, and carried out myriad other tests to ensure that she wasn't a threat to the SGC. When they were all complete, Teal'c was about to lead her away, when she whispered in his ear, "I thought Sam was down here too?"

"Major Carter is in the operating room," he explained to her. "She has suffered some injuries that can only be healed surgically. Dr Fraiser is a skilled physician, she will provide the best possible care for Major Carter... Samantha," he was uneasy using Sam's first name, but he wanted to be as informal as possible for Perdita's sake.

"Dr Fraiser?" Perdita asked. "Is that the scary lady in the mine?"

Teal'c smiled. "Dr Fraiser did indeed come to the planet to rescue Samantha," he couldn't quite bring himself to say 'Sam', "and she was very ... efficient. But she is a good person, and an excellent physician. You will like her when you get to know her."

Perdita looked doubtful; she wasn't at all sure she wanted to get to know her. "Will Sam be okay?" she asked.

Teal'c knelt down so that he was at her level. "If her injuries can be healed, Dr Fraiser will heal them. Samantha is strong, and has much to live for. We must believe she will recover."

Perdita looked lost, lonely and frightened. He picked her up and hugged her tight. "We will all get through this, Perdita," he intoned, "all will be well". She snuggled into his chest.

**SGSGSGSGSG**

At that moment, an infirmary nurse approached him. "Cassie's in Dr Fraiser's office," she told Teal'c quietly. "Maybe you and Perdita would like to wait in there? Dr Fraiser will be sure to let Cassie know how Sam is as soon as she can."

Teal'c nodded his thanks. He explained to Perdita that they were going somewhere warm and comfortable, where she would meet Sam's 'other' daughter. "Is that Cassie?" Perdita asked, remembering what Sam had told her.

"Indeed," Teal'c replied. "And she will be most pleased to meet you, I'm sure."

As Teal'c opened the door to Janet's office, Cassie looked up eagerly, "Mom?" she called.

"It is I, Teal'c," Teal'c said from the door, Perdita still in his arms. "May we enter?"

Cassie ran up to him, kissing him on the cheek. "Is there any news?"

"There is not, as yet," Teal'c told her. "But there is someone here I would like you to meet," only then did Cassie notice the tiny girl in Teal'c's arms. "This," he said, "is Perdita. She has become very close to Samantha."

"Hey, Perdita," Cassie said, quietly. The small girl was clearly terrified. "Uncle Jack was here a few minutes ago, he told me all about you. I'm Cassie, and I'm very pleased to meet you."

Cassie's low, gentle tone was reassuring to Perdita, who gained marginally in confidence. She looked up at Teal'c, who nodded, and lowered her to the ground, still holding one of her hands.

Cassie knelt down at Perdita's level. She put her hand on her arm. "It's going to be okay, Perdita, you're gonna love living with Sam. She's wonderful. She'll take real good care of you. And I think I'm gonna like having you as a sister, if that's okay with you?"

"Yes," Perdita's voice was small. "Sam told me I'd like you. I think she was right."

"You want to wait here with me?" Cassie asked her. "Mom'll come straight here from the surgery, to tell us how Sam is."

"Your mom?" Perdita was unnerved. She looked up at Teal'c. "Is the scary lady Cassie's mom?"

Teal'c nodded. "Dr Fraiser is Cassandra's other mother," he agreed. "She is a good, kind person," he repeated.

Cassie smiled. "Mom shouted on the planet, didn't she?" she took Perdita's hand. "She does that sometimes. But only when she's real upset, or dealing with an emergency. She will have shouted 'cos she wanted to get Sam back, and safe, as soon as possible. She'll be very sad when she realizes she's frightened you."

"I'm not frightened," Perdita stuck her jaw out defiantly. "I'm not frightened of anything."

"No," Cassie's warm smile lit up her eyes, "of course you're not. You wanna come sit with me on the couch?"

Perdita nodded. Teal'c settled himself on the chair opposite, as Cassie led Perdita to the couch. "You're shaking," she told the young girl, "are you cold?"

"Yes, a bit," Perdita admitted, though the shakes were really more a result of delayed shock.

Cassie wrapped a warm blanket round her, and pulled her onto her lap. Perdita didn't object; she liked this new sister. If Sam loved her, she must be okay. And she was warm and kind.

**SGSGSGSGSG**

After about an hour, Daniel knocked on the door. Cassie started, hoping that it would be news about Sam. Unfortunately, he was just searching for Teal'c, and asked him if would come to the debriefing. "I must remain here with Perdita," Teal'c took his promises very seriously.

"It's okay, Teal'c," Perdita told him. "I'll stay here with Cassie until you're done, if that's okay?" she looked up anxiously at Cassie, who tightened her embrace round her.

"Of course it's okay, we'll stay here until Mom's fixed Sam up," Cassie said. "We'll be fine."

Teal'c bowed politely. "I will return."

**SGSGSGSGSG**

Drs Warner and Michaels assisted Janet in Sam's surgery, which was long, complicated and dangerous. At one point, Sam's blood pressure plummeted and Janet was terrified that they were going to lose her. They manipulated Sam's dislocated shoulder back into place and pinned and set her shattered forearm, and more importantly they also managed to stem the bleeding into one of her lungs. A rib had pierced her left lung, so Janet was forced to deflate the lung temporarily. Intubating her lover was something she hated doing, but it was the only way to ensure that she would get enough oxygen with only the one lung and all her other injuries. She would keep her sedated for the next couple of days, to give the pierced lung some time to recover.

Finally, after seven long hours, the surgery was over. An exhausted and emotional Janet made her way to her office; she had to tell Cassie that Sam would likely recover, though the road back to full health would be a long and painful one.

As she entered her office, she saw Cassie sitting at the end of the couch, her arms wrapped round a small, blanketed, sleeping form. Cassie very carefully extricated herself from Perdita, laying her down on the couch, with a pillow behind her head. The girl murmured but stayed asleep.

Cassie went over to her mother, and put her arms around her. "Mom?"

"She's gonna be okay, Cass, I think," Janet's voice cracked with emotion. She had held it together for hours, she wasn't sure she'd be able to keep up the strong facade in front of her daughter. "She's come through the surgery. She'll be out for a couple of days, then I'll probably bring her round, depends how her vitals are. But she's alive. She's badly banged up, but she's alive. It'll be a long recovery, but she's alive," and then she did give in to the relief of tears, as Cassie held her.

Eventually, she calmed enough to ask who the child was.

"That's Perdita," Cassie told her. "Sam was going to bring her back with her from the planet. She's gonna adopt her. Jack said she'd had a bad life, I don't know the details."

It all clicked into place for Janet. So she was the child Sam was rescuing. It all made sense now. "Is she okay?" she asked Cassie, "she looks awful thin."

"I think she'll be okay," Cassie told her, "though she's pretty shaken up. She'll be fine if Sam's okay. And she likes Teal'c. But she's very frightened. I don't know what she's been through, but it must be bad if Sam brought her back. And Mom," Cassie smiled. "She thinks you're a 'scary lady'!"

Janet smiled weakly. "Well I suppose I can be a bit scary, can't I? Especially when you let that muddy dog into the house without cleaning him up first."

Cassie grinned. "Oh yeah, you can be real scary then. Don't worry, Mom," she saw the sad expression on her mother's face, "she'll love you when she gets to know you, I know she will."

At that, Perdita stirred. "I'm gonna wake her, she's real worried about Sam," Cassie said. Janet nodded.

"Hey, Perdita?" she rubbed her hand along her arm. Perdita looked up at her. "Mom's finished the operation. We think Sam's gonna be fine. She should recover."

Perdita looked like she was going to cry. "Can I see her?" she asked.

Janet spoke up from the other side of the room, "she's got all sorts of tubes and machines round her at the moment," she told her, "and she looks real bad. You might find it a bit scary."

Perdita started at the sound of Janet's voice; she hadn't realized she was there. Her voice was softer than it had been on the planet, but she still didn't feel comfortable in her presence. But she didn't care, she wanted to see Sam. "I want to see her," she said stubbornly.

"So do I, Mom," Cassie was equally adamant. "I don't care about the tubes."

"Okay, then," Janet knew there was no way she would dissuade them. She told them both what to expect, exactly what each machine was doing, and that Sam looked worse than she really was. That last part wasn't really true, but she knew how traumatizing it was seeing a loved one in that condition. It was even worse when you were the one who had to attach all the machines and wires, she reflected grimly.

Perdita held Cassie's hand firmly, keeping as far away from Janet as she reasonably could.

When they entered the recovery room, even though they had been warned, they were both shocked by the sight of Sam.

"Say hi to her," Janet said in a soft voice. "She may be able to hear you; she won't be able to respond, but she'll be reassured by your voices."

So Cassie plucked up the courage to approach the bed first; she smoothed the bangs away from Sam's forehead, and kissed her gently on the cheek. "Hey," she whispered. "You don't know how pleased I am to see you. I love you Sam," and she brushed her hand over her uninjured shoulder, squeezing gently.

Perdita went up to the bed. "Can I touch her?" she asked, in a quiet voice.

"Sure you can, hon," Janet told her. "Just make sure it's not any part that's bandaged."

Perdita took up Sam's uninjured hand. It was limp, but it was warm; Sam was alive, and would survive. That was all that mattered. "I love you," she whispered.

Janet's heart melted at this small, determined, courageous girl. She was determined that she would somehow build a relationship with this child who clearly meant so much to Sam.


	8. Chapter 8 of 10 PATIENCE

After two days, Janet successfully re-inflated Sam's damaged lung, but decided to err on the side of caution and keep her on the ventilator for a further 24 hours after that.

During the three days that she was unconscious, Sam had a constant stream of visitors - the colonel, Daniel and Teal'c came twice a day, and Cassie and Perdita came every couple of hours. On one occasion, Janet was moved to tears at the sight of Cassandra reading a science magazine out loud to Sam, while holding her new 'sister' on her lap. The two girls seemed so at home with each other that Janet was optimistic that they could all be one big family. She knew she still had to apologize to Sam for her behavior, and she also knew that Perdita, who claimed to be frightened of nothing, was really very scared of her still. This made her sad, but she knew she couldn't push the child; she also knew that one of her greatest allies in her battle to win Perdita's confidence was Cassie. And Perdita already loved Cassie, that much was obvious.

Janet knew that she should have sent Cassie back to school, but her school semester finished in four days, and there was no way that the teenager would have been able to concentrate on her studies while Sam was still in intensive care. So Janet called the school and explained that a 'family emergency' meant that Cassie would not return until the next semester. She grinned wryly at the thought of telling them the truth; that one of Cassie's parents had been injured while rescuing an alien child from a mine shaft on a planet 24,000 light years away. It was certainly a more interesting excuse than 'the dog ate my homework'.

Janet barely left Sam's bedside. She slept in a chair next to her bed, and made sure that there was always somebody who loved her at her side on the rare occasions she slipped out to shower, or to grab a quick bite to eat. She knew, logically, that there was no way Sam would waken until she reduced her level of sedation, but still, she didn't want to risk her being frightened and alone.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

"You know you can't just keep wearing that t-shirt, you know," Cassie said laughingly to Perdita on the morning of the third day. "I admit, you look real cute in it. But we should probably get you some proper clothes."

Perdita grinned. She was getting used to Cassie's sense of humor, and knew that her older 'sister' was not mocking her. She nodded, "Okay," she said.

"Uncle Jack's offered to take us to the mall later, if you want to go?" Cassie was unsurprised when Perdita shook her head vehemently. "Or if it's easier, I can go and pick up some outfits for you. I'll measure you before I go, so I can be sure everything'll fit. You can come another time, if you want, once you've settled in a bit."

"Will you go?" Perdita asked. "I'll stay with Teal'c. And Sam."

"Okay, Deetie," Cassie had decided on her own nickname for the girl, and Perdita loved it; it made her feel special. "Anything particular you want?"

Perdita looked a bit shy. "I want to dress like Sam does. I want to look like I'm part of her family."

Cassie cocked her head and looked straight at Perdita. "You know, something, Deetie, you look a lot like Sam already. You've got the same hair, the same cheekbones. You two really do belong together."

Perdita's smile lit up the whole room.

"Sam likes jeans, I'll get you some of those. And some t-shirts, but a bit smaller than this one, I think!" and the sweet sound of Perdita's giggle filled the room. "And maybe a few other things. I won't be long."

Cassie borrowed a tape measure from Siler, and noted down all Perdita's measurements. She was sad to realize that, while the girl was quite tall for her age, she was horribly thin, almost to the point of being skeletal. She needed to be looked after, cared for, and loved. She had certainly come to the right place for that, Cassie reflected, even if she rather hoped that it would be her Mom's cooking that would put some meat on her bones, and not Sam's. She loved Sam desperately, but everybody knew that her cooking left a lot to be desired.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

At the end of the third day, Janet checked all Sam's levels and concluded that it would be safe for the blonde scientist to wake up. She made sure that Dr Michaels, and head nurse Sharon were around when she brought her round; extubation was unpleasant at the best of times, and she hated that it had to take place when the patient was conscious.

As Sam struggled back to consciousness, she was aware of an obstruction in her throat. Instinct took over, and she tried to shake her head to dislodge it. She felt Janet's hand on her arm, and heard her soft words, "just lie still, honey. You've got a tube in your throat, don't fight it. We'll get it out of you in just a moment. Try and relax." Sam looked up at her, confused. She tried to call her name, but speech was impossible. "Don't try and talk baby. Now we're going to sit you up some, and when I tell you, I want you to try and cough." Sam looked anxious, as well she might. This was not the first time she'd gone through this, and she knew it was going to be unpleasant. She nodded minutely. "Good girl," Janet told her, with more confidence than she felt. Sam felt the bed raising up. Janet then put an arm behind her, and helped her to lean further forward. "Now," she said.

In seconds, the tube was out, and Sam was coughing fit to bust, which was horribly painful, not least because of her damaged ribs, arm and shoulder. She felt she couldn't breathe, and was grateful when Janet held an oxygen mask to her face. She stayed there, holding it in place, for at least ten minutes, while Sam gasped and gagged, desperate to drag lungfuls of air into her body. "Try not to panic, hon," Janet told her calmly. "It'll be okay in a moment, I promise you."

Eventually, Sam calmed and her breathing returned to near normal. She leaned, exhausted, against Janet, tears of distress and pain rolling down her face. "That's it," Janet soothed. "You've done all the hard work. You're gonna be okay, sweetie, I promise." Janet wiped the tears away from her cheek with her thumb. "Good girl, that's it, just take it easy." And she lowered her back onto the bed.

Sam looked up at her, her face a mixture of pain, fear, and hope. "J'net?" her voice was almost inaudible.

"I'm here baby, and I'm not going anywhere," Janet reassured her. "I love you. I'll always love you. I'll never leave you again, I swear."

Sam nodded, her eyes closing. Then they opened again, a look of panic flitting across her face. "Dita? Cassie?" she rasped weakly.

Janet took her hand. "They're both fine, sweetie. They were here an hour ago in fact. Cassie's been looking after Perdita, and they're real close already. I think they're both happy to have a new sister.

Sam smiled weakly, and her eyes fluttered shut. "You rest now, baby," Janet said. "You're gonna be real sore for a while, but you're going to be okay. You're doing really well."

Sam forced her eyes open again; she couldn't rest until she saw first hand that Perdita was okay. And she wanted to see Cassie too, she knew she would be worrying. "Want to see them," she whispered in a cracked voice. "Jus' for a minute."

"Okay, sweetie," Janet smoothed her hair back from her still-too-white face. "I'll go get them."

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Five minutes later, Janet returned to Sam's bedside. She took up her uninjured hand gently, and Sam's eyes opened at the touch. "They're here, baby," she told her.

Sam looked at the foot of the bed, and saw Perdita and Cassie, hand in hand. Perdita was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and looked freshly scrubbed. More importantly, she looked happy, and she had a twinkle in her eye.

"Hey Sam," Cassie was the first to speak. "We missed you."

"C'mere," Sam's voice was so hoarse and weak. Both her daughters approached the bed, and hugged her very gently. "Missed you too."

"So what d'you think of Deetie's new look?" Cassie laughed. "Isn't she cute?"

"Deetie?" Sam smiled. "The clothes are great. And the nickname." Deetie grinned widely.

Janet could see that Sam was tiring, so she shooed the two girls out of the room.

She pulled the blankets up over Sam, and held her hand as she drifted off to sleep.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSGS**

Over the next week, Sam woke for brief periods, often in pain, sometimes disoriented until she remembered where she was, and what had happened. One thing remained a constant, though; every time she opened her eyes, Janet was there. She was rarely awake for more than an hour at a time in that first week, but she was more lucid each time she woke.

"You look exhausted," she said to Janet one evening towards the end of that first week. And she was right; Janet had dark rings round her eyes, her hair was uncharacteristically mussed, even her uniform wasn't as sharply pressed as it usually was. "I'm doin' good now, why don't you get a long bath and sleep in a proper bed for once?"

Janet and Sam had still not had 'the talk'; so far they had spoken only about Sam's recovery, and about the girls. Janet tried to raise the subject on one occasion, and Sam reached out and took her hand, "I know we have to talk," Sam said, "but not right now, okay? I'm too tired, and too sore. I don't want to say anything I don't mean." Janet looked stricken. "We will be okay, Jan," Sam continued, trying to keep the emotion of her voice. "I'm sure we will. Just give it a few more days, okay?" Janet nodded and smiled weakly.

So when Sam told her to go off and get some sleep, a small, paranoid part of her wondered if Sam just wanted her out of the way. She knew she was being crazy, but she really was exhausted, so she wasn't seeing things clearly. She was also hurt by Perdita's continued avoidance of her, though deep down she knew the small child was doing her best to adapt to a whole new way of life, and could only take baby steps. Another small part of her was even slightly jealous of the warm, loving relationship that had sprung up between Cassie and Perdita. She felt excluded. 'Stop it,' she told herself, 'you're just being dumb.'

She leant over and kissed Sam gently on the brow. "Okay, sweetie," she said. "I'll see you tomorrow morning then. You know you just have to call if you need me, don't you?"

"Go. Sleep," Sam instructed her, but tempered her 'order' with a warm smile. "And Janet?" Janet turned back and looked at her. "Don't worry about Dita. She'll come round, once she gets to know you. I know it's hard for you, hon, but she'll soon love you as much as we do. She's learning to trust again, she'll get there. She's a great kid."

Sam really had the kindest, most beautiful eyes Janet had ever seen. And she was astute, Janet didn't realize she had noticed any tension at all between her and Perdita, but she had noticed, and cared enough to want to reassure Janet. Hearing Sam mention casually how much she loved her made Janet's heart leap with joy.

So Janet let herself into their quarters, and had a long, luxurious bubble bath. After that, she fell into bed for the first time in over a week. She could smell Sam's shampoo on the pillow, so she hugged it close to her. She had screwed up, really screwed up. But they would fix everything, it would all be alright. She knew that now. She would just have to be patient.


	9. Chapter 9 of 10 THE TALK

After eight days in the infirmary, Sam was still in considerable pain, but was starting to feel slightly better. At long last, she was finally able to remain awake for several hours at a time, which was a relief to her. She hated the feeling of helplessness though; she hadn't even been able to sit up properly for any length of time.

The next time Janet came in, Sam looked at her with pleading eyes. "Just a couple of hours in the chair, sweetie?" she begged. "I'm going stir-crazy here."

Janet smiled; she looked at the chart at the end of Sam's bed, then she took up her hand and checked her pulse. "Okay, but one hour only," she said. "And you've got to promise to let me know if it makes the pain any worse."

Sam scowled, but agreed. Janet carefully moved the IV and all the monitor wires to the side so that she could help Sam into the chair, which she positioned right by the bed. She helped Sam to sit up, making sure that her movements were slow and steady. She carefully swung her legs forward, and reached up behind her, pulling Sam's uninjured arm over her shoulders. "Ready?" she asked.

Sam nodded, so Janet helped to lever her to her feet. She helped to turn her to the side, and lowered her carefully into the chair. Sam tried, and failed, to hide a wince of pain, and she had paled considerably at the effort. "Thanks, Jan," she said, her voice slightly breathless.

Janet smiled. Sam had always been stubborn, had always wanted her recovery from any injury to be faster than was humanly possible. And of course she usually did manage to defy medical opinion by getting up on her feet much quicker than anyone could have anticipated. But she'd been pretty sensible so far, and Janet was surprised it had taken her so long to start kicking up a fuss. She thought perhaps Sam was making more of an effort to understand what it was like for Janet, always having to play the 'bad guy' in the infirmary.

Once she was settled, Sam grinned triumphantly at Janet. "That's better. I feel more human now!"

Janet reached out and pushed a lock of hair behind Sam's ear. "And you look real good too, Sam," she said with feeling. True, Sam was still pale, and bruised, and had a long way to go in her recovery. But to Janet she had never looked more beautiful. Why is it, she mused, that you never realize how precious something is until you nearly lose it? "Mind if I stick around?" she asked Sam.

"I was hoping you would, Jan," Sam had a serious look on her face. "And that's why I wanted to be upright. I wanna talk to you, sweetie, is that okay?"

Janet started; she had almost convinced herself that 'the talk' would never happen. But she knew deep down that it had to, if they were ever going to move on. "Yes, baby, that's okay."

"Well I want you to just listen for a moment, Janet, and not interrupt. You can say anything you want after, but I just want to get a few things off my chest. Can I do that?" Sam asked her.

Janet nodded, dumbly.

"The first thing that you've got to know, honey, is that I love you. I always have loved you, and I always will love you. Never, ever forget that. Not for one second. However bad things get sometimes, whatever happens to us, any of us, that will never change. I swear to you," Sam's voice was still a little weak, but her words were clear and firm. "I love you Janet. You're my world."

Janet looked up at her, tears in her eyes.

"Second, you've got to stop feeling guilty," Sam saw Janet's mouth open to deny that. "Don't even try it Jan. I know how you felt when you almost turned off the life support. I'm just going to tell you this once; what you were going to do was the right thing. It was what I wanted. And if you have to make that call again, I hope you'll still love me enough to make that decision. It just happened on that occasion that my consciousness had been transferred to the computer mainframe - and there was no way in hell you could even have guessed at that. So stop beating yourself up. Please honey."

Sam paused for breath; such a long speech had taken it out of her, and it was more than she had said in over a week. Janet got up, poured a glass of water and passed it silently to her. "Thanks," Sam said. Her hand shook as she held the glass, but she was determined to continue. "I'm okay Janet," she looked up at her. "Well, I will be, soon. Thanks to you."

Janet smiled lovingly, and ran her hand lovingly down Sam's arm. She pulled her chair up closer to Sam, and held her hand.

"The third thing, baby, is that I'm gonna try. Real hard. I'm gonna try to be more considerate toward you. Those four months without you," she swallowed, determined not to let the emotion overwhelm her, "those four months were the worst of my life. No," she saw the anguish in Janet's face, "don't do it; don't feel guilty about that either. You were right. I've been asking too much of you. I swan off, without looking back, and I expect you to wait home for me. I never really understood how it was for you when I went off on missions, what you went through when I came back late, or injured, or sick." She was crying softly, at the thought of what she'd put her lover through. Janet tightened her grip on her hand. "I know, and you know, that I can't give up my job here. What we're doing here is just too important. Sometimes the fate of the galaxy literally depends on us. I know that sounds dramatic, but I can't get away from that fact."

She stopped again, and Janet could feel the tension in her just through her fingers. "Water?" Sam asked, her voice weak. Janet held the glass to her lips, and she swallowed gratefully. "It's alright, Jan, I'm just tired," Sam tried to smile.

She continued. "While I can't give up the job, baby, I can cut down on some parts of it. I spoke to the colonel earlier, and he's agreed. I'm going to cut back on some of the R&D, some of the techno stuff. I'll still go on missions, but not necessarily all of them. I'm going to work just four days a week from now on. Most weeks, that is," she amended, "I'm sure there'll still be times when I've got to be here much more than four days a week, and when it's the fate of the galaxy hanging in the balance..." she smiled, self-mockingly. She looked Janet straight in the eye. "But I'm really gonna try. I'm going to make more time for you, more time for the family, for the girls. I want us to be a real family. All four of us."

Sam was flagging now, Janet could tell. "One last thing, honey, and then you can talk," Sam gave her a small grin, she could tell Janet was bursting to speak. "The colonel has been talking to General Hammond. They both want you back here as CMO. And Colonel O'Neill suggested maybe you'd want to come back four days a week? You don't have to decide today, but it's just an idea. I thought maybe we could both work at the shelter on the other day, if you still want to do that?"

Janet was overwhelmed. This was better than she had ever hoped. She'd already decided that, assuming Sam was willing to give their relationship another go, that she would come back to the SGC - as long as there was still a job for her. The one thing that she had been sad about was leaving the women's refuge, and here Sam was, suggesting what seemed like the best of both worlds. And what was even better, unbelievably so, was that Sam wanted to work there with her.

But the thing that was most important to her was that Sam wanted what she wanted - for the four of them to be together as a family.

"You can talk now, honey," Sam smiled at Janet.

"I know," Janet said. "I just can't find the words to tell you how happy I am. I can't quite believe you're forgiving me for the way I behaved, I was so selfish," she saw Sam wanted to interrupt. "No Sam, you're wrong; I was stupid and selfish, I could only think of myself, I forgot all about everything, and everybody else. But then I went to the shelter, and I saw what some people have to put up with. Yes, I'll be honest. I hate it, every time you step through that 'gate. I can't bear to think of the risks you are taking. And I know what a courageous, selfless person you are, so I'm always terrified that you're not gonna come back. But I know I _can _live with that. If that's the price for being with somebody as incredible as you are, then I'll pay it, and gladly. I'll never shut you out like that again, honey, I promise."

She squeezed Sam's hand again. "And I do want to come back to the SGC. When I came here with Cassie and heard you had been in an accident offworld, I couldn't bear the thought of someone else going to get you. I hated seeing you in that mine shaft, but I would have hated it even more if it had been Warner, or Michaels, who brought you back. Love isn't always easy, honey, but if there's one thing I've learned in the last four months is that it is worth it. Every time. I won't screw up again like that, I swear to you. You can rely on me sweetie."

Sam looked at her with those beautiful, blue, soulful eyes. "I always have, Jan. And I always will."

Her words were shaky, and it wasn't just the the emotion; Sam was exhausted, physically and mentally. "Bed?" Janet suggested. Sam nodded, her eyelids starting to droop. Janet called a nurse into the room, and they lifted Sam back onto the bed. "Thanks," Janet said, dismissing the nurse. "I'll take it from here." She looked at Sam's face. She was pale, but she looked more relaxed than she had in a long time. "You okay, sweetie?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," Sam said. "Better than I have been for months."

Janet leaned over, and very gently kissed Sam on the lips. She felt like she had come home.


	10. Chapter 10 of 10 FAMILY

After nearly two weeks on Earth, Perdita had become a familiar sight at the SGC, always accompanied either by Cassie or Teal'c. After learning that Sam was going to be okay, she had grown immeasurably in confidence and usually had a bright smile on her pretty face.

She could often be seen in the commissary; this was the first time in over a year that she hadn't had to forage for food, and she was really enjoying trying out new flavours - and it was a novelty to her not ever to have to go to bed hungry. Enjoying food, rather than just eating whatever she could find in her struggle to survive, was a new concept to her, and she was delighting in its discovery. Cassie laughed when, after a few days, completely unprompted, Perdita declared that her favorite dessert was blue jello. Perdita didn't understand why she was laughing. "Oh Deetie," Cassie said, "I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing because that's Sam's favorite too, and the guys are always teasing her about it. You really are a mini-Sam, you know that?" Perdita's smile lit up the whole room. To be compared to her savior was the very highest praise.

Cassie was sad, though, to realize that Perdita's new-found pleasure in food was the result of the terrible time she had had in the last year or so. She couldn't believe that this tiny girl had survived in the wild, even with the patronage of some of the city-dwellers. A few plates of food and some warm blankets were a poor substitute for a loving family and a secure home.

Perdita didn't talk of her history at all, though she sometimes stopped what she was doing and looked wistful, which Cassie understood to be her remembering her family. She didn't press her for details, but hoped that in time the girl would start talking.

Perdita was still wary of Janet, partly because of Janet's demeanour on the planet during Sam's rescue, but also because she feared that Janet must think her to blame for Sam's accident.

Perdita didn't know that Janet didn't for a second hold her responsible for what had happened. She knew that it was just one of those things for which nobody was to blame. And anyway, Janet was just happy that Sam was alive, and would recover, and wanted to rebuild their - now extended - family. So the last thing Janet wanted was this child, baby almost, to feel bad. She tried to show her affection and tenderness, but Perdita often shied away, hiding behind Cassie or Teal'c.

Slowly, though, Perdita started to come out of her shell with Janet, thanks in great part to Cassie's efforts to bring them together. And she and Cassie spent a good part of each day in Sam's room with her and Janet, so Perdita began to get used to the small doctor.

Sam was thrilled to see the warm relationship that had developed, almost instantly, between her two daughters. For the time being, Cassie and Perdita were sharing one of the VIP rooms at the SGC and bonded even further. What Cassie hadn't told Sam, as she didn't want her to worry during her recovery, was that Perdita often suffered from some very disturbing nightmares. Although Perdita hadn't told Cassie of what had happened to her in the past, Cassie could tell by the violence of her nightmares that it hadn't been pretty. Each time it happened, Cassie went quietly over to Perdita's bed, and held her tight, whispering soothing words until she came out of it, usually sobbing. She would cling tight to Cassie afterwards, but still she didn't tell her what the nightmares had been about. Sometimes, when Perdita was particularly distressed, Cassie would climb into the bed with her, and just hold her tight until she fell to sleep again.

However, one night, Cassie couldn't bring her round, and she was at a loss as to what to do. She dialed her mom's cellphone, knowing that she kept it turned on and next to her bed at night. "Cass?" Janet saw it was her daughter calling. She immediately panicked, what was Cassie doing calling her at 0200hrs?

"Mom?" Cassie sounded distressed. "Deetie's having a nightmare, and I can't wake her up. I don't know what to do, Mom."

"It's okay, Cass; just stay with her, let her know you're there. I'll be right there." And within 90 seconds, Janet let herself into their room, carrying her medical bag.

"Okay, Cass," she kept her voice calm, not wanting to upset the thrashing child further. "Go turn on the shower, warm but not too hot." And she took Perdita from Cassie's arms, and held her in her arms, as she continued to twist and whimper.

"Perdita?" she told her, as though she were awake. "I'm taking you to the shower now, okay sweetie? We're going to wake you up gently, and you're going to be okay." She picked her up, startled at the child's light weight, and carried her into the bathroom. She saw, approvingly, that Cassie had placed a plastic stool in the shower stall. She sat down on the stool, a shaking Perdita held tightly in her arms. "Washcloth?" she asked Cassie quietly.

"Okay, Deetie, you're gonna be okay," Janet used the child's nickname for the first time. She took the washcloth from Cassie's outstretched hand, and started to wipe it tenderly over the girl's face. Slowly Perdita wakened, weeping, only to realize that she was in Janet's arms, soaking wet, under a warm shower.

"Hey," Janet said gently, "you okay there."

Perdita shook her head. "Scared," she whispered, and buried her face in Janet's equally soaking front.

"I know, honey, you've had a nightmare. A real nasty one. You're safe now, I swear to you. C'mon, let's get you warm and dry," and she picked her up and headed for the bedroom. Cassie wrapped warm towels round both of them, and put one on the bed for Janet to sit on, the girl still in her arms. Perdita clung tight to her, sobs wracking her body, unwilling to let go of this warm, comforting woman. Janet rocked her, murmuring softly to her. "It's okay, sweetie, you're okay now. You're safe here. We won't let anything bad happen to you. We'll look after you."

Eventually, Perdita calmed enough for Janet to dry her off and, with the help of Cassie, she slid another of Sam's t-shirts over her head as a nightshirt. She smiled when she noticed that there was a stack of them in the drawer. Deetie was wearing 'proper' clothes during the day, but she still wanted the comfort of Sam's t-shirt at night. And why not? Janet thought back to that flying jacket of Sam's that she couldn't give up. She rejoiced briefly at the thought that now she would never have to.

Cassie silently passed Janet a pair of her own, dry pajamas, and Janet quickly stripped and put them on. "You're getting too tall, baby," she said to her elder daughter with a smile, as she turned up the pants and the sleeves. She turned back to Perdita. "You're the only one in the family who's shorter than me now, Deetie, and I'll bet that won't be for much longer."

Perdita gave her a wan smile. Janet sat down on the bed, and gathered her up in her arms. "You feeling better now, sweetie?"

Perdita nodded slightly. "I dreamt about the nasty man," she said in a tiny voice. "He was going to do bad things to me."

Janet hugged her tight. "He's gone now, sweetie, and he'll never do that again. Not to anybody. We're gonna make sure that you're safe. Me, Cassie and Sam, we'll all protect you. I promise you."

Perdita looked up at her, with huge liquid eyes. "You're not scary," she whispered to Janet. "You're nice. I want you and Sam to be my moms. I want Cassie to be my sister." She looked at Janet, pleadingly.

"Well, baby, that's good, because that's what we all want too. When Sam's all better, we'll all live in the same house together, we'll be a family. Cassie's always wanted a baby sister, haven't you Cass?"

Cassie nodded, and knelt down next to the bed. "It's true, I always did. And now my dream has come true."

"I'm going to give you an injection, Deetie, so you'll be able to sleep, is that okay?" Janet asked Perdita. "It'll hurt a little bit, but then you'll feel much better. Can I do that, Deetie?"

Perdita nodded, so Janet drew up 5mg of a light sedative, and before Perdita could tense up, she had given her the injection. "Stung a bit, huh?" Janet said, in an understanding tone, rubbing her arm.

Perdita nodded miserably. "That's okay, it's supposed to do that," Janet told her. "Soon you'll start to feel sleepy. Just try and relax."

"Will you stay?" Perdita's voice was miserable and scared.

"Of course I will, Deetie," Janet soothed her. "I'll stay all night. I'll be here when you wake up in the morning, I promise. Just let it go, sweetie," she could see Perdita struggling to stay awake. "You won't get any more nightmares tonight." She held the shaking child to her, trying to absorb some of her fear.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

"She had a rough night," Janet explained to Sam the next day, when Sam questioned her after an unusually subdued and drawn Perdita had left her room with Cassie to get some lunch. "Awful nightmare. She thought she was back with that bastard." Janet was close to tears herself. "We've got to make damned sure she never goes through anything like that again."

Sam sat up, with some difficulty, and took Janet's hand in her own. "We'll look after her honey. She's had a terrible time, but from now on, she's going to be cared for, loved, treasured. Cassie loves her already. We'll give her a good home. I did notice one thing," she said with a smile, "she doesn't seem to be frightened of you any more."

"No," Janet's face lit up. "She told me that I'm not really scary after all."

"Well she hasn't seen you after I've made a mess of your kitchen, that's all I can say," Sam had a wicked grin on her face.

"Samantha Carter, that was only one time," Janet scolded, "and I think I had every justification. A kitchen is categorically not the right place to replace a brake line on a motorbike. Even a beautiful 1940s Indian motorbike," she knew what Sam was about to say. "It took me two weeks to get those tire marks off the linoleum."

Sam put her hands up in mock surrender. "You win, honey, I won't do it again, I swear!" She pulled Janet to her, and kissed her firmly. "Even if the make-up sex was spectacular which I seem to remember it was."

Janet's wistful look showed Sam that her memory told her the same thing. "Can't wait until you're back up to strength, baby," she said, "I've missed you."

Sam grinned. "We'll be back to normal before you know what's happened, Jan. And it'll be worth the wait, I promise you that," and she ran her hand suggestively over Janet's breast.

**SGSGSGSGSGSGSG**

Sam's injuries were such that it was three weeks after her accident that Janet finally agreed to let her go home. Unbeknownst to her, during that time, Cassie and 'the guys' had been over to her apartment, and packed everything up for her, and delivered it back to the family home.

Perdita hadn't yet left the SGC, and she had never before seen a car or anything like it. So the trip back to the house was a new, thrilling experience for her, though she was a bit scared when she realized how fast they were going. Cassie sat in the back seat with her, and held her hand all the way. "You're gonna love the house, Deetie," she told her, "and your room is right next to mine. Mom and Sam say that you can decorate it any way you want, isn't that great?" Perdita just sat, grinning, next to her. She was overwhelmed by everything, and couldn't find the words to express her happiness.

Janet looked in her driving mirror, and saw their two daughters snuggled together. "Look," she whispered to Sam, who turned carefully in her seat and looked backwards. Her eyes filled, and she had to blink several times to clear them. She put her hand over Janet's right hand which was resting on the gear shift. "We did good, hey, honey?" she said to her lover, her voice thick with emotion.

"We sure did, baby," Janet replied. "We sure did."

THE END


End file.
